About relapses
Hello, this is the first time I write in a community solely about the topic! I’d like to share a bit about my experience, I don’t usually talk about this, so I’ll try to keep it brief.
I'm 15 y/o, I started with this at 12, there’s not much to say, I was alone and trying to deal with emotions that I’ve always had trouble expressing. I did it continuously until mid-2023, I was 13 by then and my mother ended up discovering it. After an uncomfortable talk, they ended up sending me to therapy; at that time they offered free therapy at my school… I don’t have much to say about that, they would give me a date for the session and in the end the psychologist wouldn’t show up. I stopped going when classes ended that year. That year was especially complicated and I went through many problems, I ended up relapsing around November.
It was one of the worst relapses, I still have visible scars from that and I don’t think they’ll disappear soon… Well, I stopped doing it at the beginning of 2024. That year, around mid-year, my family ended up finding out again; this time I got a warning that if I kept doing it, they would end up hospitalizing me. Things got a bit better (in some aspects), and until recently I had been a year and a few months without doing it. I relapsed about a month ago, and since then I’ve been relapsing constantly.
I don’t know what to do with this, sometimes I think I’ll never really get out of it, that I’ll always end up relapsing. Sometimes I also think that maybe I was just looking for an excuse to relapse, because I never stopped thinking about it. I haven’t talked to anyone about this, I don’t like it, I feel like I’m exaggerating or making the other person uncomfortable. I’ve currently gone two days without doing it. I don’t know what I’m really looking for, maybe just to be heard, or some advice, anything is welcome. Thank you so much for reading!
@toruusgf
I'm sorry you've relapsed!
I understand why you feel like people feel uncomfortable or don't want to talk about it.
That's hard.
To struggle alone.
It's important to be safe though and find other healthier coping mechanisms.
I know it's not easy, it feels in that moment like all of the pain is gone.
But sadly this is only temporary hence constantly chasing that feeling.
It's so important to find something good in your life that allows you to be you and happy and not relying on this to be a temporary fix 💖
@toruusgf
Hi! I would like to start by saying that it is so brave of you to share part of your story and the battles you have gone through and still deal with. Relapses can be so hard to deal with, and I can only imagine how desperate it must feel to go back to a habit you thought you had overcome. You are not alone in this, and you are very strong for trying and keep getting back up. I admire you very much!
I'm glad you're finally reaching out, it's the right thing to do. I started self-harming at 11 with various times of recovery. At one point I was pretty severe. It's calmed down and relapses are fewer and farther between but I haven't conquered it yet. I've learned to curb my impulses most of the time. Consider researching coping skills and finding someone you can talk to. I went five months this past time and a big factor was my therapist being unavailable for some months. I wish I had tried talking to someone else. If you'd like, we can talk and support each other. Feel free to message me!
