New here
umm not sure i want to write here but lets give it a go. well it has been a very long time since i last cut myself. but just the other night i had a dream i was cutting and it felt so good, what a sense of relief. then i walk up and i felt empty, almost sad that the relief was not there. of course i know it is only temporary but still at the moment when i opened my eyes i wanted it more than anything. as a precaution i put away all knives and sharp objects out of view. anyone else stop for a long time and then have a dream about relapsing? i am very worried because i can feel that something has awoken again inside of me, something that i thought was long gone. that's enough from me for now.
@WilliamPeters
Your in a dubious situation, the memories of your past resurfaced in a dream..
I hope you refocus and just remember it is just a part of the past and your ready to find better solutions for your lifestyle.
Take care🌟
@AsherTree You are right, it is a matter of staying in the present. So my main goal is just staying grounded and keeping safe by keeping sharp objects out of sight. I'm taking it one day at a time and focusing harm-free day on the safety routines I have in place. But the urge is back strong with emotional numbness. And that scares me. I guess also now that I think about it is the cutting the worries but also for at least the last six years I have been hitting myself in the stomach, knees, and hurting my foot by stepping on it or kicking something until it turns red. I am kind of confused here in my mind and writing.
@WilliamPeters
Oh my, these urges are strong but your convictions sound stronger. Please continue to do your best! You've clearly made a lot of progress so far. Keep going!🌲
@AsherTree Thanks for the positivity. I will do my best. The funny part is that I didn't full acknowledge that hitting myself was self harming because I tried to hide it in the form of exercise. However, on some level I guess I did know because after hurting myself I felt clam, peaceful, a strong sense of salinification.
@WilliamPeters
I'm here if you need to tell me more about it.
Yet I have a question cause I'm trying to understand as much as I can: Have you tried cutting yourself after having dreamt about it or that you restrained yourself from it?
Another question is: Is the dream of it that's triggering you which lead you towards writing here?
@yasmineishereh
No, I have not tried cutting myself after having the dream. I put all sharp objects out of sight to keep myself safe. But the feeling is constant and strong and hasn't go away.
The dream woke up that old urge and left a deep sense of emptiness when I woke up, which is why I am on here. I am just taking it seriously, because I have cut myself before, but have been clean ever since, and I don't want to have a relapse.