SH Free for Four Years

I’m FOUR YEARS free from self-harm. (7 years if you don’t count my one relapse event). I have been to therapy/counseling for years using my school’s free resources, along with other spaces when things got hard.

I barely talked about the impulse to self-harm in these space in order to heal. I saw the self harm as another unhealthy coping mechanism, and even after I stopped physically harming myself, for years after I found other ways to cause harm to my own life. Self-sabotage was a theme that followed me for years, and even now, I still have to be aware of my tendencies.

Last night I had impulsive thoughts about it. Imagery. Because I was feeling sad and shameful about my past, about who I am and feeling that something is wrong with me. I felt that I didn’t deserve a good life. That I wasn’t good enough, or that the mistakes I made in the past were too much.

I’m here to tell you that it’s never too late to turn your life around. It’s step by step, learning how to look in the mirror and face the things you’re avoiding. Face the things that you carry shame about, the things you don’t like about yourself. And instead of controlling the harm you do to yourself, learn how to control the things if your control. (The locus of control).

In the last seven years, I have discovered so much about myself. I sometimes cry tears of joy when I let myself feel loved. I’m so grateful for the life I’ve built.

You’d never believe my story if I told you. But if you’d like to chat or have any questions please reach out. I’m sometimes on this app as a listener, but just as everyone else, I’m still learning how to live my best life. 7Cups has been an incredible space for me to open up my heart about my fears anonymously, especially when I’m currently in a space where I can’t afford therapy.

Thanks for reading. Know I believe in you and there is hope, no matter how hard things have been for you.