TW I want to self harm
I’ve been having thoughts to self harm. I did this back during highschool but now I’m into my adult career. I’ve always had anxiety and depression, but it’s been bad lately. Bad enough that I want to self harm.
I’m actually scared to self harm, even when I did it when I was young. My self harm has never been intense and surface level almost like scratches but enough to leave scars. That was enough to relieve some pain. During my anxiety attacks, I get the thought to self harm again. I planned to stop at the store on the way home from work to get blades and alcohol. I didn’t stop because I’m too anxious to go into a store.
I need to feel something other than sadness right now.
I don't know anything about the point of first starting/relapsing after many years, but I can offer what I can.
If you do get to the point that you buy blades and take them home, you can try what I did (I don't think it will work well but it's at least something). I put the blades in an accessible spot, and told myself whenever I wanted to use them, that "I could always use them late" or "in a bit." I would tell myself that I still had the full ability to do it, I just had to be a bit more patient, and I did this until the urge went away.
This is just a small thing I've done, I don't know if it's good advice or not, but if someone else comment's, listen to them instead.