TW//// Sort of a sh diary; questions, thoughts, recovery, etc. ❤️🩹
So I think writing these things down and asking questions that some of u might be able to answer will help me a bit. The main thing is, I don’t know why I should stop. It doesn’t even hurt me that much, the cuts are thin and never deep because I don’t have anything I could use (my friends took my sharpest things). I know they’re lovely friends because they care, but honestly don’t know why I should stop. It only hurts me, anyway. And it doesn’t even hurt most of the time. I’ve read lists of reasons to stop but they don’t seem to give me reason to, it just all seems a bit pointless. I’m awful ik, but seriously why should I stop?
Dance might be an answer; I feel so bad because can’t find way to hide them when wearing leotards at dance. But honestly there is no answer to that, I just gotta deal with it and answer any questions asked. My parents already know; what’s the worst that can happen? So I really don’t see why I should stop. Makes me horrible, I know. And I feel extra bad cos for some messed up reason I like seeing the scars on my arms 😖 sometimes they make me feel sick to look at tho, it depends.
Sorry that’s quite long, it’s fine if nobody reads it I suppose. If someone does tho, just…. idk. Idk what to do. Anything anyone could say would be lovely❤️
@Phoenix1234theythem yk i can fr relate to this like alot like my only motivator is that i have to hide it also i get what u mean by feeling sick when u see it i do alot..... but i mean at least u got smth to give u some motivation i fr hope u to best in recovering
@Sebastian0o0
😭❤️thank u sebb just i don’t rlly have motivation anymore, starting not to care whether ppl see because what are they gonna do bout it? tell parents? they already know
@Phoenix1234theythem hmm i mean if this will help idk but like how do u think your life would improve if u quit?
@Sebastian0o0
idek at this point 😭 sorry
Well maybe it would mean am okay and/or happy but that part is somewhat separate
@Phoenix1234theythem ill try to help u think of smth like for me personally the tw---- urges are very distracting which makes it so i cant focus in class, ummm i cant think of anymore but also at the end of the it is an addiction and addictions are no good
@Sebastian0o0
aw thank u u really don’t have to🥹❤️
@Phoenix1234theythem don’t feel bad about liking seeing scars and sometimes not. I was very similar in that regard I wanted the scars and I sometimes would go out of my way to make sure I scarred. But I do want you to know that you are loved. You clearly have friends that are concerned for your safety. But if you want my story as to why I wanted to stop, over 8 years ago actually, was because I knew I was not in a good state of mind but more importantly because I saw how it affected those closest to me, I felt guilty for making them sad at something that I wanted to use to only punish myself or make me feel something. But I also later learned that feeling guilty for my loved one’s sadness was the last thing they wanted because they knew I was hurting even if it didn’t feel like it to me at the time. I hope this helps, and I am happy to be here for you.
I do have one question. If you don’t know why you should stop, then do you know why you should continue?
@affectionateNorth7484
thank you so much :) yes it does help a bit❤️
I’m glad to hear that. I’m here to help any way I can.
That's great to hear! You're doing amazing! As for bringing a friend, that is up to you on what you feel comfortable with doing. It takes a lot of self awareness to know how you might respond to have a friend present. Once you send it, let me know and we can talk strategies to help in the mean time.
@affectionateNorth7484
Sorry could u copy paste the last thing u said? It’s gone sideways I can’t see it 🙃
