Handling Relapses

It can be really hard to handle a relapse, whether you are the person self-harming, or the parent, or even a friend/ part of the person's support network. However, this post will focus on the person self-harming.

So what can you do about it?

- You might feel a rush of shame or guilt or sadness when you relapse. Chances are, you've tried really hard to stop, you didn't want to do it again, you found new skills. However, sometimes life gets overwhelming and we don't feel like we can cope. When we feel that, self-harm is the first thing that comes into mind to release the stress. It's a quick release. It's been our coping mechanism for so long, and our brain has been "trained" in a way to go straight to our old coping mechanisms. it's become a habit.
If you relapse, you'll feel really bad, but start again. Why did you get triggered? What happened to make you feel you couldn't cope anymore? Are your healthy coping strategies not enough? Not working? Do you need new ones for situations? There's always a silver lining- in this case, it gives you the opportunity to really pause and reflect on your strategies, and gives you time to change some things.

- You might want to keep self-harming once you've relapsed. Thoughts might include "What's the use? I've ruined all my efforts already" or "I feel so ashamed of self-harming" or "I've failed" and that feeling spirals down more and more and before you know it, you find it really hard to quit again. You've tried your best, you were determined and you succeeded. You haven't lost all your progress. You're not back at Square One. You're starting off with more knowledge of yourself and your strategies than the times you've stopped self-harming. You've learnt the tools, you've got a healthy support network around you, you have the information, you have some of the reasons that caused it. You've gone a little off track from the path to recovery, but you can still get back where you left.

- Take it a day at a time. Set yourself mini goals if you need. Treat yourself the way you would treat a baby trying to walk. Be patient with yourself, encourage yourself and don't give up. Small achievements help boost your confidence and self-esteem as well. It's possible. You've done it before. It'll take time and effort, but wasn't it the same when you decided to hop aboard the path to recovery? Believe in yourself. You have to put in the hard yards, but it'll be well worth the effort. xx

- Remember that relapses are common. Almost every self-harmer has at least one relapse. It's not uncommon. You're not the only one. It's an achievement to have not self-harmed for however long you've done it for. View relapses as a learning opportunity. As the quote goes,

- Remind yourself of your achievements. Write them down. Post them on this site and let others remind you how awesome you are!!! How many times did you have urges but didn't back down? How long did you not self-harm for? Make it a challenge (if you feel ready) to beat that this time. Set a realistic goal. I'll beat it by one day. Then by a week. Then by 2 weeks. Then a month. 3 months. 6 months. A YEAR! etc.

- It's a temporary feeling. It will go away. It might take time, it will take strength, the courage to decide to stop, determination to continue recovering and heaps of work. Remember the reasons why you want to quit in the first place. Remind yourself of those reasons daily, remind yourself when you're feeling like you want to discontinue the recovery process, remind yourself CONSTANTLY.

- Most of all, remember to LOVE yourself!!! It's a really tough road to recovery, and relapsing might make you feel like you're weak. But you're not. You're learning. It's a learning process and that's what life is all about. We learn from our mistakes and try to improve from there. We all fall down sometimes. We just need to find the inner strength to get back up. You got this!! xx