I want scars (tw)
Trigger warning
As a start, I cut for 3 years, and I'm now 8 months clean. I'm so hecking proud of myself, but I still find it really, really hard to continue not hurting myself as time passes by.
It might sound strange, but beside the main things self-harm makes me feel, I find it so satisfying to have scars, and for me, I have never cut to the point where i have those kind of white scars many self-harmers have, and I really want scars.
I keep trying to convince myself that scars will not make me happy in any way, and that they will be hard to hide, and many people will judge. I do have some scars from self-harm, but they are not that visible, only if you look really close.
Today I've just seen a girl with white, old scars on her , and I couldn't stop thinking about how much I would want those scars. I keep repeating myself that this is wrong, it will not make me happy and it will never solve my problems, but I need to know your opinions, please.
Thank you for reading and if you're gonna reply, thanks for that. Have a nice day, and good luck with your recovery. <3
[post edited by @bear228]
@Firefly223
Hi there and welcome here! It is really nice to have you joining our community and I really hope you will find the support you need. We are here for you and we are proud of you for reaching out! Also, 8 months clean is amazing. Well done!
You mention wanting a scar. Why do you think this is? What would a scar mean to you?
@admaiorasemper
Thank you, it means a lot to me!
I don't really know, or at least I don't know how to explain it properly. Sometimes because I don't have deep scars I feel like I don't know real pain, or that my problems weren't serious enough, and other have it worse than me.
I feel the need to apologise for this, because I think my post is cringe and just really stupid, and thank you again for replying!
@Firefly223
Your post doesnt seem cringe nor stupid to me. There is no need to apologise. You are entitled to feel whatever you feel and write about it. Please never forget this :)
What you write makes lots of sense to me. However, I fully believe that even the most excruciating pain doesnt necessary leave a visible scar. It doesnt mean pain was never there. You dont need a scar to validate your pain.
Also, pain is personal. I am really not sure it is comparable. No matter how minor our experience may seem to other people, whatever feelings and emotions it causes us to feel, they are legitimate…
@admaiorasemper
Thanks for understanding. It's also my first time posting my self-harm problems on a Forum, and it's a bit weird for me. I don't usually tell my SH problems in general, not even friends, just because I think those are, as I said before, kinda stupid... and I also don't want to bother anyone with what I'm going through.
I think I really needed to hear this. Thank you for your kind words.
I don't know what you're going through, but I hope you're fine and I hope you have a nice day <3
@Firefly223
I am really glad I have found words that have made you feel understood. I am sort of ok, thank you. I wish you a lovely day too and I do hope to see you around!
@Firefly223
Maybe you would like like to think of it from another perspective for a moment. There are those like me whom life has peppered with scars from accidents, injuries, surgeries and skin cancers. We never wanted these scars, these tattoos that life did on us without our consent but we have them and we live with them, both external and internal scars...we are neither ashamed nor proud of them, they are who we are, a part of us, a part of our saga...
@goodHouse926
You're right, and I also think that you are brave. I'm glad you told me this, and thank you for replying.
I think this is a good way to think - to think from other's perspective, and I should be happy that I life didn't hit me with problems like this and didn't give me those kind of scars, and I shouldn't ask for them, either.
I hope you're fine now, and I want to tell you again that you're amazing for going through things like that.
@Firefly223
Thank you for your nice words, you are a kind person. Most of us have our own addictions from coffee or cartoon watching😉😊 to the whole spectrum...
I just feel sad for you, lifeis hard enough for you to try to harm yourself yet I have not the explanations underlying your need to this so it is only you who knows...If you did it at some time don't be afraid of your scars showing, they are part of you. Something in you wanted you to do tgat for some unknown reason or other.
In some tribes in Africa or South America they practice scaring instead of tattooing, so the practice goes back in time in prehistorical societies.
Been good talking to you🤗 thank you😊
@goodHouse926
Thank you for your nice words too. Also about those tribes, I didn't know that, it seems interesting (I used to watch documentaries about tribes from Africa because I find interesting what people who don't have what we have can do).
It's been good talking to you too, thank you again. ^^
@Firefly223
Hi there! I hope you are ok! Just wanted to check up on you and see how you are doing. No pressure to reply :)
@admaiorasemper
Hi! Sorry for not replying earlier. I'm feeling ok right nou, thank you for your message! How are you feeling? ^^
@Firefly223
No need to apologise for your late reply :)
I am very happy to hear that you are doing fine! I am also ok, thank you!
