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cant tell how long ive been clean for

User Profile: amusingSail8830
amusingSail8830 May 17th, 2020

hi!! im sure this isn't a very common thing but idk which of these instances i would count as the last time i self harmed. i had a true relapse about a year and a half ago. i was very depressed and purposely harmed myself and was fully aware of what i was dong. i called this the last time i had self harmed for a while which meant i was a year and a half clean. however, a few months after this i got angry and scratched my neck. i cant decide whether i would count this as self harm to me since it wasn't fully intentional and i didn't have the mindset as i did the many many other times i self harmed (i.e., i had an urge to cut and couldn't fight it) this was more impulsive and honestly sort of accidental. if this is the last time i self harmed then im actually a year clean as of yesterday!! anyone able to help me out this is bothering me

3
User Profile: TaranWanderer
TaranWanderer May 18th, 2020

@amusingSail8830 I think this would be your own personal assessment :) if for you, it didn't seem to be the same (different mindset and different intention) then you're absolutely free to not count that and say you're a year and a half clean :) this is your own personal journey, and being so, you decide the "rules" and what you feel counts as a lapse/relapse or not. There's no wrong answer here, and regardless that time you spent not engaging is something to be super proud of!! Congrats!!