Getting Worse *trigger warning*

*Trigger Warning*

I have doing SH since I was 12 I am now 26.

After four months clean I did it I broke, but this time feels like I'm literally fighting for my life. Doing so long you think it would be that way every time but the worthless feeling and self loathing have put me in a dark space.

Over the weekend I hurt myself really badly redoing a major scar that's seven years old my worst one and making a few more cuts.

I have isolated myself from everyone in my life because communication, giving emotions feels so hard and doing basic human needs is so *** hard. Worse thing is I'm very self aware so I judge myself so hard but I just don't have the energy nor the motivation.

I am afraid to be alone with myself right now especially at night after the day of living in my head and trying fight against the part of me that wants to go but I pushed everyone away except one but I don't think she will understand she may even get scared.

I damaged my arm badly this time I wish my brain and emotions functioned normally.