I feel like I have no control.
I get frustrated and upset very easily. When Im alone, I hit myself.... a lot. Its my instant reaction to being upset, specifically angry, and I feel like I cant control it. I can usually hold back if there are people in the room, but then I just result to digging my finger nails into my hands. Ive tried other things to relieve my anger or stress, but it just doesnt help, and its like I have no control over my own body sometimes. I have bruises all over my legs and give myself headaches a lot. Im afraid Ill never be able to stop. I just dont know what to do.
Hi there @anxiousdisappointmentyeee. I think this may be your first post here, so a warm welcome to you. I am glad you have found us and proud of you for reaching out. This is an important step towards recovery. I hope we will be able to make you feel heard and supported.
As you may already know, self-harm is a coping mechanism we may resort to when dealing for instance with overwhelming feelings and emotions. We can definitely learn and switch to healthier and better mechanisms. It requires patience, time and self-compassion. But you can get there.
I find very positive that you are already able to identify which emotion leads you more often to SH: an anger that you end up turning inwards towards yourself. Anger is a messenger, and a very important one: it tells us that we have some unmet needs. Can you listen to your anger and understand what it is trying to say to you? Can you try to locate it in your body? For instance, when you feel this urge to SH: which physical sensations do you get? I for instance feel a tingling sensation both in my hands and checks.
Bringing this kind of elements to your awareness is an important step to start to regain control over your own body. Mindfulness techniques may also help. Have you ever tried them?
I am posting a few links to posts where alternatives to SH have been previously discussed. You may also find something useful there:
Hope this helps… Please do not hesitate to reach out if there is anything I/we could do for you. You are not alone and I hope I will see you around.
