I relapsed after a really long time 🙁

I'm really upset with myself. It's been at least a year (I'm forgetful and didn't mark the date but based on what I remember happening it's been a minute) and I just hurt myself again. Idk I know relapses happen and will keep happening and recovery isn't linear and blah blah blah everything else. I know that stuff. It still feels awful though.

I just feel like all my problems are teaming up at once and I don't know why I decided I needed to do this again but at the moment it felt like it made sense. Relapsing with both this and my eating disorder in the span of a month though is really shitty and I'm not in a great place right now. Idk. I just wanted some place to rant about it and didn't wanna get up to get my journal. I just feel gross.