I won
I have decided I'll never stop cutting. I've used many things in the past 3 years, and everyone's told me I needed to stop. But I won't. I love my boxcutter. I love my blood. I love my scars. I'm addicted to the pain. There's no possible way I could stop. I'll keep going, keep cutting, until I die. It makes me a better person- I can control my sadness, I'm nicer, I don't cry as much. I'm just a cutter. That's all I am.
@Lay9
Your post has had a powerful impact on me. I just wanted to tell you that your identity will always be definied by many things at the same time. You will never be solely a cutter, and you will not necessary be a cutter all your life. You may not be able to stop right now, you may not want to stop right now, and this is ok. But as you rightly point out, self-harm is an addiction. We can get addicted to pain. But we can recover too. Recovery will always be accessible for you. I just wanted to gently remind you this...