Regret
Every time I cut it makes me feel good. Like I laugh and smile and I feel bubbly, my girlfriend says I seemed drunk or high when I texted her after I did it. It's really weird, and after I while I forget about it, and since I do it at night when no one will see me, I usually just fall asleep after that. When I wake up is an entire other story. I feel awful. Today was one of those days. Last night I did it because I was extremely stressed, but at the same time, it helped with me getting stuff done(since I procrastinate like crazy) because it distracted me. I've had panic attack-like things happen during school presentations and today we had one, which is part of the reason why I did it too. I ended up doing the presentation kinda well, though I was shaking the whole time. My girlfriend always can tell when I do it, and in the middle of the day she said "show me your arm" and I froze. It was really bad this time too. I felt so much guilt. I have told her so many times that I would try to stop, but it's so hard. She deals with self harming too, so I know she probably understands. I feel like a terrible person for doing it, and I want help for it, but I'm terrified of telling the school councilor and definitely can't tell my parents cause they would just freak out completely.
@agreeableFriend6827 Hey there, I relate to a lot of what you are saying. Self harm is a coping skill -- an unhealthy coping skill -- but still a coping skill. So it seems like it is helping you to cope with the stress of the presentation and with procrastination. Endorphins are released when we feel something painful, which might be why you feel bubbly for a bit afterwards. But of course, it is also harmful. You might feel guilt and regret because you know it is harmful and not a long-term solution. You are not a terrible person for doing it, but it is something that it seems like you could use some help with. It's great that you want help :) Seeking help is a sign of strength.
You could think about what you are afraid of happening if you tell the school counselor. And then think, how likely is that to happen? If your judgement says that it is unlikely that something bad will happen, then I would tell the school counselor. I understand that it can be scary, but remember that they are there to help you. <3
If your judgement concludes that the school counselor is not a safe person to tell, think about another adult you could talk to. Are you close with any teachers, coaches, religious leaders, or neighbors? You might be able to find someone else who can help you.
Sending hugs if you want them <3