Relapses

I'm told to quit like it's just so easy. I feel like I'm at the end of my patience. I've tried healthy coping methods, but they don't numb my pain. With harming, you see your scars healing, but when it comes to depression, trauma and everything else, you awake to the same problem. The same environment. You pray, seeking His help, only to fall deeper into the darkness. I'm tired of the darkness. I'm told to sin less, but sinning less doesn't stop the suffering. I'm a good person, but clearly I may not deserve peace of mind. I can't seek therapy due to personal reasons, but my religious leader suggested to seek help. I'm in a never-ending cycle, and I can't break it without d@mning my soul. I'm tired of hurting.