Self-harm w/alcohol
Anyone else self-harms only when drunk? It started not so long ago for me that I noticed that I can't handle alcohol anymore or like before...when I get drunk I start to cry and eventually self-harm. Lately it got even more suicidal... I don't get it, because generally and without alcohol or being drunk I would think and feel that I'm okay. Not happy, but okay. It scares me and to be honest I'm more scared that I'll lose my boyfriend who is extremely annoyed with me when this happens...he hates that I cry and can't handle it and the self-harm is a trigger for him as his mother used to do this. I always promise that it won't happen again, because I always feel like this and I try to get better and even started therapy to show him how serious Im about it and despite it happening again and again (I know I should just stop drinking, but I never had problems like this before and I always feel it'll be fine but I'll stop now), but he said he doesn't care about me trying and he is annoyed with me and I feel I'm not normal and he'll get enough of this and me despite that when I'm sober I don't do this...can someone please advise?
@helloKitten9563
That sounds like an extremely stressful process for you right now to be going through. I am proud of you for trying your best to recover and the fact that you're trying out therapy and actively seeking help is indeed a step in the right direction. However, it is important to recognize that recovery and healing doesn't happen in a straight line - there are a lot of zig-zags and sometimes relapse is possible. Patience with yourself is key because the zigzags can often feel incredibly frustrating. I can't give you specific advice on what you should be doing right now because only you can figure out what's best for you but we can still try to analyze the situation together. You've identified that drinking contributes to self-harming more and that you want to hence stop drinking as a result. Have you thought about what makes you drink in the first place and how you could perhaps try to substitute that with other healthy mechanisms? Do you know why drinking makes you self-harm but you're able to control the urges when you're not under the influence of alcohol?
@helloKitten9563
Also I want to say that you're definitely normal and that while it might feel easy to hate on yourself for being in this situation, we must learn to be patient with ourselves as we attempt recovery because it's an incredibly difficult process and you deserve immense amounts of praise for trying to recover in the first place because that first step of acknowleding your reality and making an effort can be the hardest step of all.
@helloKitten9563 Hey you! It sounds really stressful, what you are going through right now, but the right decision is obviously not to drink, if you only do it when drinking. It's said with all the love I can give 
, but if your boyfriend "can't handle" you crying, maybe he is not the right person for you? I mean... if he hates it when you cry, he doesn't sound like a good guy 
