TW: relapse

so I’ve dealt with depression for almost 8 years. In those 8 years there were mainly 3-4 in the beginning where I would actually self harm. For the past 3 years I have been relatively good about not cutting myself even if I was really depressed but now I can’t seem to hang on. I’m starting to get intrusive thoughts to hurt myself and if I look at my wrist I would sometimes picture myself relapsing. I know this isn’t the best way but I hit my hand on something (not too hard) I’m order to make the thoughts stop. It’s been the worst this year since it’s now happening while I’m in class and I really don’t want to have a panic attack near people. Does anyone know ways to cope with having thoughts like this? If so thank you💕:)