Wanting to Relapse
I'm not very proud of it but I've been on and off addicted to self harm. This has been going on for 6-7 years now and for the first time in three months everything is going pretty good, but last night I was hit so hard with my depression I barely slept a wink so I had to take off work today. I feel like I don't know what to do anymore, therapy doesn't really help me and all I do is hate myself more because I don't know what to do and can't find anything that helps. Feelings like this have driven away too many of my friends and even romantic relationships. Does anyone have any recommendations on what I should do aside from relapse? I just want to feel something again.
@FindingHope42
Hi there :) <3 I know you started off by saying that you're not proud of yourself. However, I want to address that it takes so much courage and bravery to go through 6-7 years of self-harming and other mental health issues and the feeling of hopelessness. That's something to be proud of and I'm proud of you for. I understand that it's hard to not relapse at the moment and hard to find reasons not to. With feelings of "not feeling" along with therapy not helping, I get that "wanting to feel" is incredibly important right now. I don't have any promises of what will work, however maintaining hope in times as dark as these is incredibly important. <3 We all must have the hope inside us to know that things get better and feelings don't last for long. I have a website to self-harm alternatives here and I used to make a list of reasons why I promise to myself not to relapse when I self-harmed.