how does one fight the urge to cut
tw // self-harm, cutting
I'm pretty much clean for more than a year now but these days, whenever I try to sleep, the familiar urge to cut fills my mind. I keep trying to ignore it, but what happens is that it makes me more anxious and caged and trapped. I'd sometimes catch myself fantasizing of getting one of my knives and just slice one clean line on my arm. I could practically feel the relief that it would give me in my fantasy. I've been fine the past year because I would find distractions for me to do or run myself ragged doing all kinds of things so that I would just sleep things off. However, with this pandemic and being locked up in the house with nothing to do, it's not a surprise that these urges that I'm constantly fighting are getting stronger again. It's exhausting and honestly, one little cut wouldn't hurt right? I never cut deep and I just need release. I know that's an awful mindset but I'm going crazy. Anyway, this is just me ranting and going off on here coz it's currently 2 am and I. Cannot. Sleep. Anw, idk how to use this tbh coz it's been years since I was last here so I'm sorry if I'm breaking some rules or guidelines rn.
@324B21
Hey it seems to me personally when I get those urges it's at night but not as bad as it used to be. The more coping tools that I learn and the more I learn about myself as i Find purpose the more I can resist self harm. I would suggest getting a couple of listeners until you find one that clicks and try to wrap your mind around the causes whether it be PTSD depression anxiety or all, there is an underlying cause which might be fear-based. I have PTSD which took me 38 years to discover having. My PTSD has many symptoms such as anxiety fear nightmares depression and a lack of confidence. I've been getting help for 4 months for PTSD and trauma specialist have helped me learn some valuable coping tools. That's what you should try to find out: the causes from the past that are robbing your present and future. You're not alone
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@324B21
Hey! I can only imagine how hard that would be for you <3
I find it's super helpful to develop a set of coping mechanisms. These can take time to find, so it's totally okay if they don't all work for you. When I would feel that urge, I would like to imagine something that makes me happy. I know its kinda weird, but I find it helps. If I start to feel anxious when it happens, I try and do a grounding exercise as well. Like counting 6 red things, 5 orange things, 4 yellow things, 3 green things, 2 blue things, and 1 purple thing that I can see. It always helps me calm down :) Other things that work are doing things that keep my hands busy, like drawing, painting, and reading also helps. I hope this helps you!!
