5 Months Clean but...

I am 5 months clean because the thoughts just seemed to go away but little did I know they would come back and hit me stronger than ever...

Everyday now I sit in my room with a blade near by but I never do it because I have a huge promise with my friend to never do it unless I get her permission which is always "No."

I can't just betray her and break the promise but I also can't stand all these thoughts!

You see I have so much homework and it is due on Monday next week and I haven't done Anything, all I can do is lay down and never stop thinking about it...

If I cut all of the thoughts will just vanish and I will be able to do everything I wanted to do again... but I don't know... help.