How To Support A Friend Who Self-Harms
It is likely that in some point during your adolescent life you will know someone who self harms. As there is still a lot of stigma around this issue, it's not always clear how to deal with it!
How to know if a friend might be at risk of self harm
Some signs that a person might be self harming include:
- They are hiding their arms or thighs
- They are talking about harming themselves (this can be in indirect ways, especially due to the current culture in which serious issues are discussed quite nonchalantly)
- They are engaging in other risky behaviours
Above all, it's important to trust your gut instinct.
What to do if you think a friend might be a risk of self harm
If a friend has not outright told you that they are self harming, but you are concerned for their safety, it is best to speak to their parents or a school teacher or counsellor. Even if you do not know for sure, it is better to be safe than sorry.
What to do when you know a friend is self harming
There are a few important tips to remember when a friend tells you they are self harming:
1. Let your friend know you're there for them, and explain that you're worried about them. Try not to get angry or upset with them, as this can cause extra stress.
2. Be prepared for any reaction. When your friend has tolf you they are self harming, they are in a vulnerable state and could be afraid of judgement. As such, they may act angry or upset with your reaction. This isn't your fault.
3. Encourage your friend to speak with a counsellor, parent, or GP.
4. Let your friend know before you talk to someone else about their self harm. If your friend does not want to speak with an adult, it can often be up to you to do this for them. Even if this is against your friends wishes, it is important to keep their safety in mind above all.
How to help your friend through self harm
Once an adult has been informed, it is still important to check in with your friend to see how they're doing. They're more likely to open up to you, because as a friend you've built up trust.
Some tips for handling this are:
- Ask how they're feeling
- Don't be judgemental
- Don't make them feel guilty for their self harm
- Don't give ultimatums (anything that implies that they must stop self harming now, or there will be consequences)
- Understand that recovery is a long and difficult journey, and they can't just stop self harming immediately
How to look after yourself when helping a friend who self harms
It is also important to practice self-care when looking after your friend! Some ways of doing this could be:
- Take time for yourself
- Keep up doing things you enjoy
- Exercise and eat well
- Make sure you're in a good mental place
I hope you find these tips helpful! Do you know of any other ways to help friends with self harm?
Sources and extra reading:
https://au.reachout.com/articles/how-to-help-a-friend-who-self-harms
https://www.befrienders.org/how-to-support-someone-who-self-harms
@PhoenixAsh
I am loving this post Ash! Thanks for making it, its gonna be a great asset to the community!
Thank you so much for this post! I have one thing to add:
Try telling your friend about the butterfly project. If you havent heard of it, you can look it up. It doesnt work for everyone but it will for some people. One of my friends tried it, and she hasnt cut in weeks. Try to wait until your friend is ready before you tell them about it, also dont scold them if they cut or enforce it on them. They will get better when they get better. It doesnt change overnight.
Thanks again for the amazing post!