I'm scared I'll relapse
Hi, I'm new here, I struggled with self harming in my mid to late teens but got better just before being handed a cancer diagnosis 🤷🏻♀️📜 I'm lucky right?
I think I've been doing okay to not slip down that road again but the aftermath of my treatment has left me so dependent on those around me, and all I can think is if I stopped being then perhaps my partner would have a normal life.
The thought that I'm a drain on him is heartbreaking and I need help to avoid thinking like this.
Please help me.
@Sparkle380
I've heard to put ice cubes in your hands to take away the temptation from self-harming. There's also doodling on yourself with safe, washable markers, and ripping pieces of paper. I've heard from others that this helps them, so I think it's worth a try if you've not done that already.
And I always feel like that too with any person on my life, that I'm a burden on them. It's common. You could talk to them about it.
I hope it gets better. 
Hi there @Sparkle380, I am really happy you have found us and I am proud of you for reaching out for help. I do hope we will be able to offer you the support you deserve.
I am sorry to hear you have to deal with so much... And I understand your feelings and your fear of being a drain on your partner, and how this may trigger SH urges - perhaps in response to a sense of guilt. I want to tell you that feelings and thoughts, whilst being always valid, remain feelings and thoughts... Reality may be very different... If the roles were inversed, would you think of your partner in terms of a drain? I very much doubt so... I would encourage you to share your fear with him, just as you did here with us... Your illness wasn't your fault, there is nothing you are guilty of. You deserve so much self-care and self-love...
I hope these few words may help you a little bit. We are here for you.