I self-harmed, and I don

So, for a couple of years now, I made a promise to myself to never cut, to never self-harm with a blade. Two days ago, I broke that promise. I cut myself for the first time. Not deep at all though. There was barely any blood cuz I was scared of the pain. Nonetheless, I actually enjoy it. I look forward to it, and thats so messed up. :( Im scared that Ill be addicted, but I kinda see cutting as my comfort zone. Like a voice in the back of my head says, its ok, if u have a terrible day, just remember u can always self-harm! I dont even know why... my life is alright. I have nothing to be sad about. Yet I feel so empty and hopeless. Ive been struggling with anxiety for a while, but this is a new low.. I wish I could talk to someone, but its so hard to find someone that u truly trust and wont tell anyone else. I cant tell my family for sure though. Sigh. Im supposed to be valedictorian of my school, so I cant let this information get out, or people might view me as mentally deranged or unstable or scary. :(( I dont know what to do