I want to cut
I just wanna cut
i know I shouldnt but I want to
the last time I did it crushed someone very close to me and he blamed himself even though it has nothing to do with him
he is the only person I can really talk to about how Im feeling but it hurts him when I do and I cant do that to him
I hurt so much inside and Im numb at the same time
I cant keep living its too hard
I wanna lay in bed all day all the time and when I do stupid little things wrong that shouldnt be a big deal all I can think about is how awful I am and where I could get something sharp or make it look like an accident so I dont have to explain I did it because I am f****ed up and cant be happy like I used to
everytime I get better I get worse than before
I wanna cut and just bleed and bleed and bleed
I dont deserve to be alive or in a situation of privilege I am a complete waste of space time energy and everything else put into me
@Woundedginger
Hi, i just found your thread after searching for help with diverting my desire to cut. Ive had the knife in my hand a few times in the past 30 min and was hoping the erge would just pass. Can you tell me if you cut the day you posted this? If not, can you remember how you stopped yourself?
@humorousDay8793
Hi there, I am sorry to hear you are also battling with urges of self-harm... I am going to share a picture that shows some healthy alternatives that may perhaps help you. It is important to try and identify what you are trying to achieve through self-harm, or which kind of emotion is triggering the urge:
@admaiorasemper
Thank you, better now but very seriously tired of the ups n downs.
When that perception desends on me, its worse each time. I know the photo was meant to help but i felt like how i felt wasnt on the pic, i should draw how i felt but im afraid the pen or pencil might end up jammed in deep like several times in the past. Im getting it from all angles, inner pain, frustration, chronic pain, betrayal, out of options, just overwhelming and all while im trying to be quiet and calm so im paralyzed and can just see one way to put a stop to it, but then that struggle not to becomes more pressure at a time im maxed out and internalizing it so im sick to my stomach too. im fine now and thank you. I hope the person i messaged is ok now too. Silence isnt a good sign. I pray your have a good start for your day.
Blessings
@humorousDay8793
I'm glad you're feeling better R. I'm glad you managed to resist to the urge. You really do not deserve more pain <3
@Woundedginger
Hi there. I am really sorry your post went unanswered for so long. It happens sometimes when posts no longer appear on the first page of the subcommunity forum. How are you feeling now?
I want to say that even if you feel this way, you are not awful. You are not a waste of space. Feelings and thoughts are valid, even those difficult ones, they are informed by our past, but they doesn't describe external reality. Feelings are feelings, thoughts are thoughts, reality is reality. I hope you get what I mean...
I understand this sense of feeling both in pain and numb at the same time, it really resonates with me.
I would really love to hear from you, and sorry again if your post lacked a reply for such a long time.
Sad life with a sharp knife in my hand
Thoughts are just spinning without a real plan
Searches to find out just who I am
Back against on the wall, the fears of a man
@Woundedginger
Hey there, I'm really sorry to hear you are suffering. I know what it is like to want to relapse. Have you looked at the resource page for this subcommunity? It has a lot of resources for getting through that intense urge. You could also chat with me if you need to <3