Relasped
im hi im new here..and im scared and ive relasped im a cutter and..and im stressed and i dont know where to start..
I always start cutting again. its like i cant think of a reason i should stop so why not. cutting is more like a hobby to me like lets see how many cuts and how deep they will go today. i haven't been able to stay clean for more than a few days since i was 12 and its hard. i just cant handle it anymore. its like constantly making sure your sleeves sont roll up to high and just keeping yourself from wincinf if someone hits your arm. im always relapsing thinking well what harm will it do and i have to stop living like this.
@DeadlyRaven it is very addicting once started. You can crave the endorphins it releases. It is possible to get infections and obviously severe scars, also the chance of going too deep and really hurting yourself.
Have you tried other coping skills? Like drawing on yourself instead?
i just need to get better but i dont know how....
@DeadlyRaven It's a process, but dont think of relapsing as failure in ANY way! Youre not a failure if you replase, its just the best coping mechanism you have and therefore you fall back on it when things get super hard.
I've felt very guilty for relapsing in the past, but remember the pain released endorphines which are feel good chemicals in your brain, so it makes sense that you want more when you feel bad! There are plenty of other things that release those chemicals too though! Exercising, petting an animal, hugging someone! Even feel good foods (carbs, sugar) can release some of those feel good chemicals too! I would allow myself a small piece of chocolate and draw on my arm with red ink, this would help when I wanted to harm myself but wasn't SUPER bad, so I was able to keep my self harm to a minimum 
I've also started cutting again after three month of not doing it. I can imagine the pain you are going through. I'm sorry that you went through all of that Anxiety ridden. I'm sorry that someone hurt you so much that you have to hurt yourself. It's not fair. Keep going and stay strong. Keep reaching out to people who have the same struggles who can support you...loved ones who can support you.
