Ways to Support Someone Self-Harming When You Also Self-Harm

It can be really hard to hear/know that someone you love and trust- whether that be a family member or a friend- is self-harming. It can also be really triggering for you when you are also a self-harmer. It's a really hard position to be in, where you're the "victim" AND "supporter" at the same time.So what can you do? These are my ways that I've learnt to deal with this situation. There are many more, so please, feel free to comment! The main thing to take away from this is- you're not alone and take care of yourself first. xx

- No guilt! PLEASE try not to feel guilty for their self-harming! Especially if you've told them about your own self-harm, or if you've mentioned it once to them. It's not your fault they started self-harming. They could be going through a really rough time in their lives, and regardless of whether or not they told you about it, they're hurting. And using self-harm is also their way of coping with the pain. You are in no way to blame for their decision.

- It can be really hard to hear, so remember to take care of yourself, too! If you feel the need to cry, let it out. If you want to let out your feelings, vent it out to someone in your support network, or write/draw about it in your journal. Self-care is vital, as you can only help others when you've helped yourself.

- As mentioned, it can be triggering to hear this, whether you're on the path to recovery or not. If it is triggering to you, PLEASE let someone know! Get some support of your own. Use your healthy coping strategies, vent out your emotions, let everything off your chest.

- If you don't feel like you can support them, it's OK! Again, you need to look after yourself first before caring for others. Gently tell them that you want to be there to support them, but you can't at the moment and refer them to someone else who can give them the support they need. Again, don't feel guilty for doing this. They may be leaning on you to help them cope, but you can't put your 100% effort into doing so when you're not feeling 100%!

- It may be really hard to imagine what to do to help this person, but put yourself in their shoes. Or even better, learn from your own experiences! What did you not like hearing others say when they tried to help you/get you to stop? e.g. "Don't be dramatic" or "You're only doing this for attention" or "Why can't you just STOP IT?!" If you didn't like hearing that, chances are, the person you're supporting also won't!

- If that person hasn't told a trusted adult or professional, encourage them to. Provide them with some of your moral support. Help them reach out. They may not like it or want to, so if this is the case, don't force them into getting help, but bring it up once in a while when they want to vent things out to you.

- Most of all, if you both feel ready, walk on the path to recovery together! Lend each other a helping hand or a listening ear when one of you are struggling. There will be ups and downs, but without challenges, how can we truly appreciate the good times? Walk the path together, the path to becoming happier, healthier versions of yourselves. <3