Bully (Trigger Warning)

Hello, I am Bully.

I started hurting myself when I was about 11 after three of my older sisters went through the motions of cutting. Mind you, I am 19, now.

It stuck to me, even though I was scared and only did light scratches. It got easier over the years. I would go deeper, and when my little razor was too blunt, I made up with the sheer amount of marks. Eventually I started burning myself. Haven't done it in the past 6 years, though. But some older boys once held me down and burned me with cigarettes and I realized sometimes I couldn't feel it. The ones that did, I would push on the burns so they would hurt more.

I started sewing into myself when I watched Tokyo Ghoul. And I couldn't feel pain when I sew into my right leg. It was hard to do at first, pushing the sewing needle in, because even the blunt end was sharp enough to hurt the pad of my fingers. Then I stole my dad's pliers and it became easlier to pull it through.

I use to stab my bed and punch myself to make bruises. I duct taped my torso to make me thinner. I swallowed knives on Omegle and cut smiles into my cheeks. I cut my neck with small shaving razors I would take apart.

My legs from my ankles to my hips, and even up my torso, has scars. Cutting is my favorite. But I am clean three months. The urges have tapped off over the years, but when they hit, it is hard. And I prepare 6-8 razors and wear them all dull while in the bath. 3 months clean and strong. I am getting better, and happy for it.