Hello..

I started self harm when I was 13. My maternal grandmother's common law husband.... a man that up to this point was a grandfather figure to me. I stayed at their new apartment over the summer before I entered my freshman year of high school. They had just recently moved for work and I had... am?... very close with my grandmother. What started it was, one night when she was at work I was sleeping on the couch and her husband... the man who I considered my grandfather.... held me down and put his hands in my pajama pants. I wont go into any more detail then that. I told her about it the next day and she sent me home to my mom and then told us if we ever reported it to the police or to other relatives she would never speak to me again and move and noone would find her/them. My mother also had issues when she was a teenager around him. It was also swept under the rug. I started with cutting myself. Them burning myself. I would pick at the skin on my lips. My grandmother told us he went to church counseling. This self harm continued till I was around 18. My life circumstances have changed over the last couple years. I now have to reside in the same house with them because they're up there in age and need help. About a month ago my grandmother was sleeping and he enters my bedroom and tells me to spread my legs because he wants to eat my... you get the just. I told him to go ahead and try because I'd gladly taze him with my stun gun. He left and went to bed and I locked my door. Ofc I told my grandmother about this the next day and she is mad... that i have a stun gun. Financially I cannot move and they cannot take care of things around the house. I feel stuck. And I started self harming again. And instead of cutting myself or burning myself I'm literally picking and peeling the skin on my feet until they bleed and it hurts to walk. I feel stuck. and disgusted. And bitter. and depressed. I have no idea of what to do or where to go. My hours at my work place have been cut due to covid and I cannot afford anywhere else to live. I just needed to vent. Thank you for creating a safe space to vent and share and hopefully heal.