Hi I guess (and if you read this I'm really thankful for it)
So it's been a day that I haven't self harmed now. It's hard because I can't talk to anyone and when I come on here no one picks me or answers me. To be honest it's mostly because of trauma, but also a huge portion of it is because of depression, anxiety and being bullied in areas where I should be safe. But in the end everything is always "fine" or "okay". Because I find it hard to express myself and show others how I feel. Which gets hard cause people say I'm "too calm" or something like that in bad situation. It's my downfall but it also makes it easier for people to talk to me about their problems, which later get a really heavy load for me to carry. I'm the psychologist friend that everyone goes to but the second there's something wrong with me I'm just looking for attention and just don't care anymore about them apparently...and it hurts that they think that. I've tried different ways to express myself but they don't help. Anyway I guess I'm just rambling on at this point...sorry
I don’t really know what to say but life goes on keep your head up and put yourself first you got your own problems going on you don’t got time to be putting up with other peoples issues nor problems fu if they think you being mean or fucked up if they ain’t there when it comes to you then there’s no need to give a shit about being there for them people be taking advantage of the good people ones they see you do sum that is “mean” now they say ur mean like nah fuck em have a nice day keep pushing threw things get better at some point shit happens now have a goodnight/good day 🌹
Thanks I'll try but fuck it's hard. Just tired of everything I guess and I don't know what to do. But thanks for replying, it means a lot to me🥺
@sfallenangel
I hear you, life can suck and we all have our struggles. You may say we don't see you but we do, I do. We (this community) are always here to celebrate you on your good days and support you on your bad ones. Things get easier but everything has its ups and downs. Recovery is no exception. You are so strong for making it this far and it is brave of you to share this with us. We are here for you.
@sfallenangel
Hello! Your introduction really hit me, because it felt like you were talking about my past self. So I want you to know that even though it's so difficult, help is here for you and it does get better! I promise. I know you don't believe it and you feel alone, but you're not. Opening up is hard and i know it feels almost impossible to you right now. I'm so proud of you. If you ever wanted to talk, I'm here for you. Have a good day! :)
Thank you, honestly it just doesn't get better and I don't know how much I can take anymore.
@sfallenangel
I understand not being able to express yourself. I am not good at expressing myself either. . Maybe you can try telling people that you are struggling today but you are not sure how to express yourself but you'd appreciate if they would listen and try to understand you.
I wish I had more advice but I don’t. Words aren’t very good, but I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have Autism and Anxiety and minor OCD and I self diagnosed myself with PTSD from being verbally and emotionally abused as a child. I relate a lot with how you feel. Personally I’m about 2 weeks clean, and trust me, I know how hard it is. I know you don’t want to hear this, but if your friends treat you like this then you need to cut them from your life. My cousin was like this and I finally stopped talking to her, and blocked her. (After yelling at her and cussing her out but that’s just me) Also never apologize for saying how you feel, you are just as worthy of saying how you feel as anyone. No one, and I mean NO ONE deserves to sit in silence and slice themselves up because that’s the only way they get relief. In my case, I thought I deserved it. If that’s you then you in no way deserve it. You are loved, and people do care. ♥️
Thank you so much, but honestly things got worse lately and it turn out I'm not clean anymore and it hurts cause no one tried to stop me, and my parents just don't care anymore. It's getting so hard, but seeing people reply to something I wrote and expecially seeing how much strangers that don't know me care. I just want to day Thank you, you made me smile for the first time in a while now💕
Don’t feel guilty for not being clean. Everyone gets better over time. At their own pace. I am struggling to. I want to share a thing that helped me. When you want to cut, draw a butterfly on the place where you want to cut Name the butterfly after one of your loved ones or someone who cares. Do NOT scrub it off, it has to leave naturally. If you cut, you have killed it or all of them. When you want to cut, look at the butterfly’s. It really helps me. Please keep talking to me if you want I really don’t mind. Sometimes talking to people makes it so much better. Best of luck to you, ♥️
Thank you, I really appreciate it a lot. And I'll try the butterfly thing, hopefully it works. And thank you again❤️
