Hi (trigger warning maybe?)

I've been selfharming since I was 11 or 12 with sometimes a break for a few weeks or months. I never believed people when they said it was dangerous because my selfharm was minor. Of course now it's anything but minor and now I can't get rid of this strange addiction. I've been clean now for..I think 3 months now but it's been building up for a few weeks. I had a very bad day today and I did everything I learned in therapy to feel better, yet I'm still miserable. I've tried everything that people have suggested, from red markers to the rubber band on my wrist, but here I am. I'm desperately trying to to give in but I'm afraid of losing the battle. I even joined 7 cups today to try and get help somehow, but I'm too insecure to really get social here. Also, is it strange to miss selfharm? I feel messed up for missing such a thing..