Introduction & Confession
Hello, everyone. I recently joined here as a listener, but Im learning I have some areas that are still too sensitive to help others with. This would be one of those for me. So, after reading a bit here, I decided to reach out and share my story.
Man... where do I even start...
I am currently recovering (about a year since I sought serious treatment) for some various mental health issues that had taken me to the darkest place Id ever been for almost a full calendar year.
A number of things I do could be considered reckless or acting out. Typically I keep these fairly reasonable and somewhat socially acceptable (driving too fast/recklessly, consuming unnecessary amounts of caffeine, and some varied eating issues)
I cut myself for the first time a few weeks ago... I liked it. It was just about a centimeter long on my wrist under my watch band. Did it again a few days later so it wouldnt finish healing. I really wanted a scar. A week or so after, I did a bit more damage on my upper thigh so I could hide it. That was satisfying for a while, but I think Im really wanting to do it again. I think I keep trying to get myself worked up enough to actually do it...
Im not sure if Im looking for advice or sympathy or just to see it in writing... but theres that about me.
@KEmpire
Hi KEmpire, welcome to the community! I am really proud of you for realising self-harm is a topic that triggers you when you are in your role as a listener, and for sharing this here. It shows a good level of awareness and also a desire of being really helpful to others!
It sounds as if you went through a very difficult period and I am glad to hear you are recovering from that. At the same time, you are expressing your self-harm tendencies in a new form. You mention making yourself worked up to actually do it again: can you understand what you are trying to release this way? Which kind of emotions and feelings? Can you think of anything else that could get the same result? You also say you wanted a scar: why would that be? If your scar could talk, what would it say to you? Hope you don't mind me asking these questions...
