@DecapitatedPrincess
Heya, Princess/Kristi :) Thank you for being so brave and sharing your story on here. (Also, I love the name Kristi!) It sounds like it's a rough road for you, and a very long journey. It's awesome to hear that you sought help from your doctor and got put on medication. I wonder- what are your thoughts on seeing a therapist/ psychologist? Have you been to see one before?
Please correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm assuming you mean you're stuck in the same headspace of feeling lost and hopeless, and feeling like nobody cared about you? If so, I'm really sorry to hear you're feeling this way :( It can be very hard to deal with these painful thoughts, and self-harm is- at its most foundational- a coping mechanism. With those feelings, what's making you feel that way? What evidence shows you that nobody cares- or how would you know if someone cared about you? As for lost and hopeless, lost in what way? I'm sorry for all these questions, and you don't need to answer them on here or ever. These are just some suggestions to help get you started on thinking deeper to the roots of the issue if that's what you want to do.
You mentioned you used to self-harm everyday and are covered in scars- how do you feel about the scars?
It's understandable feeling like you don't want to get rid of the urges- and you don't have to if you don't want to. It's completely up to you- you have full control of how this plays out. This is your life! It can be both scary and freeing to hear that. What sometimes helps people is asking themselves "Would I want to do this when I'm 80? Would I want my children asking what the fresh wounds are from, and having to constantly lie to them?" I guess another question I'd ask is what makes you scared to get rid of them? What makes you feel hesitant when the thought of getting rid of the coping mechanism comes into mind?
Most of all, take care of yourself. I'm so proud of you for allowing yourself to open up on here, Kristi, and good luck on your journey! If you'd like, there are many listeners here on 7 Cups that you could chat with for support <3