28, having blackouts not sure if I am an addict
I had blackouts from drinking many times before but I always told myself oh I was in my early 20s that's just being reckless and young, but I'm getting older now and I'm thinking this behavior isn't right. Recently I've gone out a few times with friends and ended up saying some stupid/mean things and ruining my relationships. This hasn't been like this since a very hard time when I was 22 and my ex was killed. Now I can't figure out what could have triggered me to actually be blacking out every time I go out now and doing these things I don't remember. Is this a sign that I have an addiction problem? Am I going to have to stop drinking altogether ? Honestly the thought of that seems hard, because socially I like to have drinks with friends or having wine at dinner. This is eating away at me and very scary to think I might have a problem/feeling regret for these things I did that I can't remember.
@Akatt
Hi! I just read your post and I think that the fact that you're thinking over what's happening to you already means you want to be careful and try to figure out things and I believe this is already such a big step, even though sometimes we might overlook it.
From my own personal experience I can say that on myself I saw that even very small habits can turn into a sort of addiction. Sometimes these habits can be less or more harmful, but the concept of addiction stays the same. So if you feel by yourself that this habit of drinking might cause you problems or make you feel bad eventually, then I think it can be an idea to take a pause, just to acknowledge the situation, without being judgemental on your behaviour or on the drinking itself. If you feel inside that something sounds wrong with it than maybe just take your time to consider your feelings, maybe take a break from it for a while and see what happens and how it feels day by day.
I feel that many times taking things one day at a time and with a relaxed attitude (as much as we can of course), especially these kind of things, can help feeling less pressure on ourselves. Just one step at a time.
My experience, I hope this can relate to you and maybe help some! Feel free to talk it over if you want to :) Wish you a nice day and all the best!