I feel like a robot

I’ve been drinking a lot lately to deal with my existential crisis. This feeling like life has no meaning has been on my mind ever since I was a senior in high school. I’m now 25 and these thoughts have only gotten more and more frequent. I’m a very curious person and ever since I was young I always asked lots of questions about why things are what they are. I would drive my parents crazy sometimes because I’d ask so many whys to the point where my parents would eventually just say “because that’s just how it works!”. It seems like I have an obsession with trying to find the meaning to life. My curiosity with science in particular has definitely led me to stop believing god. I gotta admit it actually feels like I’ve made a mistake. I now wish I didn’t know as much as I do now. I can’t feel anything these days. Its an exaggeration obviously but that’s how it feels! The irony is that I’m saying it “feels” like I can’t feel anything. I feel like a robot and I’m not sure if that’s a result of my AVPD or a combination of that along with my existential crisis. Alcohol allows me to enjoy the things I once did in the past. The problem is that alcohol is harmful for the body so there’s only so much I can drink before it starts making me feel worse.