I'm too young for this.
I've been drinking from the age of maybe 9-10 years old. Small. I'd steal sips and bottles from my mom. 11-12 she'd buy me weak stuff. 13-14 she buys me it whenever I want or I steal it. I drink as much as I can. Whatever is in the house until it's gone. I'm not addicted to the taste or whatever. I'm addicted to the feel of it. It makes me feel happy, I don't have to deal with the abuse I undergo. Or the being forced apart from the one person who truly loved me. I'm only 14. I know it's not good. But I just can't stop. It's the only way I want to live. My grades are good this year. I'm a sweet person despite my alcohol and drug addiction. I try to help people the best I can. If I continue living the way I am, I know I will die at a early age. But alcohol makes it better in my head. I'd rather die from alcohol then suicide. Lately I've been incredibly on the brink for it. I don't know how common a 14 yr old addicted to alcohol and drugs is but. I mean. Hey. I'm Alexia. Nice to meet you. <3
Dear @ConfusedNightOwl:
First of all none of what I am about to say here is to criticize you or discourage you and seek what you think is the best for yourself. But I did reply for you to reconsider whether you should be seeking help yourself instead of providing help for others. From my understanding, interaction with alcohol and drugs at a young age can severely throw off your brain balance and the symptoms that you were showing are completely not your fault and completely normal in your circumstances. And as you have expressed you are fully aware that it is not a good thing for you, so I can’t seem to draw the conclusion whether you are reluctant to get help or that you are already seeking for them. Perhaps your household hasn’t had much care on the topic of restricting alcohol use and putting your dopamine function back on track, but there are certainly adults and professionals out there in school, in clinics and in this large online society that you can reach out to. I myself can’t offer you a solution to your problem but I greatly advise you to not let what you yourself believe to be a thing that can cause problems in the future continue on. Addictions generally don’t come from the taste of the alcohol but the feeling of it. So up to this point when you’re saying that you’re not really craving for the liquor before the happiness that it gives you i’m afraid you are already experiencing symptoms of an addiction. It is not too late for help and you will not be blamed for alcohol is indeed a chemical that messes with your brain weighs severely more than people believe them to be able to. Teenage drinking is only common because teenagers are vulnerable as their decision making skill is still developing and there’s no reason why you should follow the so called “trend” to let yourself fall into victim. Generally as someone from the Internet I cannot force or push you into doing anything that you greatly dislike, but despite not knowing you personally I do wish that you would lead a bright future. Take care of yourself and value yourself for I can tell you are deserving of it.
With sincere regards.
My family abusive, severely. Lots of fighting. Physical. Screaming. I am aware it damages, and I'm also aware it's considered "stupid" to continue to do it after knowing it damages. I know someone my age should NOT be doing what I'm doing. I wouldn't ever recommend it to someone my age. But yet I'm doing it. I'm aware it's hypocritical but I don't really know what else to do. I'm not allowed to get help. And I'm not really looking for it if that makes sense. Like I do want to stop. But I also don't wanna let go from the one thing I have. I posted this thread under the influence of alcohol after having a rough night. I'm currently sober but I know I'll immediately get it back into my system the minute I'm able too. I don't really plan on living my life full. I don't plan on having a husband and kids. Or a big happy family. Because I just can't on a genuine note. I can never have kids out of fear I'd abuse them like my mom does to me. And having a loving partner just isn't in the books for me. The way I'm choosing to look at life is "may as well drink to remain happy then be miserable." Yes I'm aware that's probably a dumb way to look at it. But I don't have much hope otherwise in life.
@ConfusedNightOwl
Hi Alexia,
what does it mean, when you say you are not allowed to get help? I feel like it could be helpfull to you to just talk to somebody about you it, and by it I mean not specifically the drinking but your general family situation. In the first place because the struggle with addiction (and of course also an abusive family context) makes you feel alone and isolated (I'm sorry, if I'm wrong here, and you don't feel that way). And reaching out to somebody, hopefully professional (counseling teacher, some trained person like a therapist) who is there just for you, who is on your side. Professionals here don't judge, and they also don't force you to quit something. But they can help you to figure out things, to find ways, to sort your thoughts, to refer you to options you might not see yourself.
Pleaso don't be alone with this.
I know the struggle with addiction. If you feel like, you can message me if you want to talk. I try to check in here once a day.
I also didn't know teenagers were doing it as a "trend" even though I'm doing it for other reasons. Knowing they do it as a trend. That shit kinda smashed my heart. Didn't know they did that.
@ConfusedNightOwl am so sorry to hear of the challenges you are facing. Nobody should go through that. And certainly not alone.
You are not hypocritical. If you have an addiction it is often because of underlying pain and trauma and you can get support on that.
Please consider speaking to a school counsellor and if you are facing abuse consider contacting a crisis centre.
Wishing you well and hoping you can get the support you deserve
I don't see myself reaching out for help. At some aspects I do want help but mostly others, I don't. I appreciate your words though, I hope you have a good day. (:
@ConfusedNightOwl of course it is your decision whether to get support or not.
You could always reach out specifically on what you wish to discuss. Nobody would force you to talk about something you don't want to.
In the meantime please Stay connected here 🌻
Thank you for being so kind (:
