Latelly i've become hostile.

Hello, im not an alcoholic per se', but on the recent occasions that me and my lady off 11 years have gone out, ive been starting with hard liquor rather than simply a few beers, and i turns a bit excessive. Lately, a simple dissagreement could turn into me yelling about things that arent even an issue anymore. Or, i even more recently, i shoved her over just feeling ignored and frustrated, it wasnt hard, but it caused her in heels to fall back. I feel so horrible and now shes scared it will progress to violence because shes been there before and says its how it starts. There has to be a deeper reason why im suddely being so irrational and emotional and insecure, and i know you never hurt a woman, intentional or not. I just want to be who she remembers, not this...