having a rough day
I'm having a hard time today. I'm not sober and I haven't tried to be. But I've been struggling I think with an alcohol problem. I don't always overdo it, but sometimes I make a conscious choice to drink too much and last night was one of those times. I always wake up absolutely hating myself and my choice.
I have been going to counseling for a month now and I still haven't told my counselor about this. I'm afraid to because I take Effexor and I know I shouldn't be drinking at all.
I'm not really sure what the purpose of this post is supposed to be but I needed to tell someone. Also, I am a teacher and I feel like a total failure because of this. I'm supposed to be an example and I can't even control myself.
@honestBalsam4719 I don't know if I really have advise for this situation. I actually feel the same way and continue to do the same thing as well. On the outside it appears like we have our stuff together (good job, home, etc), but we know the struggle we deal with. For me I turn to alcohole because I avoid dealing with other feelings I have going on. I think about getting sober, but then I tell myself I don't need to get sober. Then a few days go by and I drink more than I wanted. Also I struggle with the idea of organized AA, but I have also never been.
Do you think you want to get sober or just be in more control?
@adventureseeker23
I just want to be more in control. I think AA is great for a lot of people, but I don't know that it is for me. I have attended a few meetings virtually and just listened in. It does make me feel better knowing that I'm not alone in the way that I feel. I agree, I also want to drink when I've had a hard or emotional day. I notice though that I also want to drink on days when I'm happy and feel in control? Like I'm already happy and maybe it will make me happier. Most of the times on these days I can control myself but sometimes I over do it. I tend to over do it more when I am unhappy though. I KNOW it makes my depression worse. I also don't have a lot of friends and alcohol is a distraction and a "fun activity" I can do my myself and not really care that I'm alone. My heart hurts for the person that I am right now and I am working towards improving myself but the process IS difficult and I think I'm not making as much progress in therapy because I am still not being honest with myself and my counselor about this issue.
@honestBalsam4719
I can relate to that. It is something that you enjoy (i feel the same way). Being sad or bored we tend to grab a drink. Then we are happy and enjoying outselves we drink. I also make the excuse that I want to "try" something new so I try some new IPA I found.
I think that it is important that you have admitted that you need to be in more control. You have also admitted that it doesn't make you feel good and you are letting yourself down. You have also admitted health concerns surrounding the medication you are on. In my opinion I think you are working in the right direction. Maybe starting to focus on the why that surrounds the things.
I think it would be helpful to talk to your counsolor about how you are feeling. Or at least think about why you don't want to tell them about it?
Just something to think about
