hello new here

I have a terrible habit of getting to a good place one with minimal negativity and ill drink and completely annihilate all the good that I have. I turn into a monster to others and i be been in serious denial because the episodes will be spaced out. But I ibce again have annihilated the best relationship I've ever been in and even damaged the relationship with my parent irreversibly. I don't think I could survive another fall this bad. I'm ready to own this issue, I'm a binge drinker and have deep rooted angers that manifest when I have tipped over the cliffs edge. I become everything I despise.