Motivation finds me despite the struggle

Everyday seems different for me, like I am different. Mental illness has taken a significant toll on my life, unwilling to ask for proper help sooner, I have made a mess. That’s right, I said it. My fault. Addiction to substances didn’t improve my situation but guess what, still struggling in this moment. Using. Again. Why is it so hard for me to connect with people? I just want to talk about life and all it’s oddities without clamming up. For real tho, psychosis for three years was a bit excessive and absolutely affected every part of my life, especially my intellect. Which really *** sucks. I’m picking up the pieces of my life and nothing fits together anymore, the pieces jagged and sharp. My children, my family, my love. Oh and what are friends? I pushed them all away and have been without proper friends for years. (Iguess that’s one reason I turned to this app),whatever it may be and whoever this reaches, please take it easy on yourself, give yourself some grace if you find any of this familiar. You’ve been too hard on yourself for too long. Beaten yourself down so much that you’re unrecognizable, you deserve love you beautiful human being.