My last breath , over and over.
You know those movies, where the person has died and has to wake up to the same day every single day until I guess they get it right and don't die? That's a small version of how I feel.
My addiction has bottomed out. I've lost anything and everything I loved or has ever had any meaning to me. Ive become everything I said I wouldn't. I'm at an all time low here, and the last glimmer of hope I had left, someone that gave me hope when I had no will, who loved me when I couldn't love myself , has become apart all the darkness . I'm at a loss and feel no hope anymore.
@communicativeLola90
🥺
I know more than most, what this feels like.
But hope is all we have.
Please know, it does pass.
There's always a way through.
You don't need to suffer alone 💕💜
There can't be any darkness without light, nor sun without rain, hot without cold, or roses without thorns. I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through - I'm sure you've heard it before but try not to be too hard on yourself. Addiction isn't purely being hooked on a substance - it involves changes to your brain chemistry, and thus your behaviour.
Looking back on sober times may feel like a distance universe now, but it's not. It may feel like a strange and unusual memory, but it isn't. That was still you.
There is still time to become everything you promised yourself to be. There is always time, and always another chance to make change - the chances only truly stop when we say "I give up."
Addiction isnt a linear path - some people go decades clean but then relapse. Others will have one bad experience and never touch it for the rest of their lives. Some people will go back and forth between coping and struggling - there's no shame in any of those.
The person you speak of, who loved you - I wouldn't want to comment more on that without knowing more about it, but I'm sorry. This will take some time to process and move forward with, but you can do it.
You may have heard of the movie Groundhog Day (where the saying comes from) - that's the feeling you're describing.
But unlike a movie, we can't make our lives better in just one day, or one week, or even one year. Sometimes it takes a bit more than that - so focus on small accomplishments rather than the promises you've made to yourself. You're already walking the road less travelled - now there's just a bit of a hill to climb on your journey, too.
Watch Russian doll starring Natasha Lyonne
Watch Russian doll starring Natasha Lyonne.
In all the wrong that surrounds you, you have made right happen in this share.
I hope you wake tomorrow with a feeling of right that leads to new fulfillment
