Question
I’m 17 and I drink almost whenever I can. It’s not a physical need, but I don’t want to feel sober because otherwise my problems seem too heavy to bear. Can this be considered addiction? If not, at what point does it become one?
@reservedFarm2656
It can be classes an addiction if you need it not to feel 💛
It's important to process even difficult feelings.
You deserve to be happy and healthy and free 💛
Thanks
@reservedFarm2656
A pleasure 💜
@reservedFarm2656
Dear Reserved Farm,
Thank you so much for reaching out. This is an important first step for you.
Amanda provided some good information, but I would like to expand a bit more.
First, if you are drinking daily more than 5 ounces per day, please consult a health care professional who is knowledgeable about alcohol use disorder (AUD). Please let me know if you can do this or need support. It is not helpful to quit abruptly under this circumstance.
Secondly, there are several organizations that I would like to share with you in addition to this organization's options. The first is SMART Recovery. This is a free, international organization with in- person and online meeting options. Most of the facilitators have walked the walk themselves. If you do not find the first group " a fit" try another one. It can take checking out a few meetings to find the one that feels right. You can attend a different one every day. SMART Recovery also offers 24/7 support. All Recovery is another group for which I have heard good things, but do not have experience with it. Both of these options are non-religious. AA on the other hand, has been a good support for those who especially like the religious component.
Thirdly, you share you have heavy burdens. Are you able to expand a little more about these? And what else do you do? School? Job? Exercise? Family?
Finally, for now: your decision to reach out took strength and courage. I am here to support you through this journey.
Jack
Thank you very much. Since I still live with my parents, I can only drink in secret—sometimes in the morning before school or at night before bed. Otherwise, I take the opportunity to drink during pre-dinner drinks when my parents allow it, since I’m still a minor. I also take the chance to drink at parties whenever I can, without getting completely wasted. I’ve only ever gone to a party specifically to get drunk with friends once. I can't go to bars between classes because I don't really have the time, but mainly because I'm not of legal age, so I wouldn't be served.
Thanks for the information regarding SMART Recovery.
I generally feel bad; I’ve faced a lot of rejection and don't feel like I belong anywhere. I’m mentally exhausted.
Thank you.
@reservedFarm2656
Hello, Friend,
Thank you for your additional information. There is a lot to think about, but we can do this together.
It sounds like you are in a home where alcohol use is accepted, and therefore, alcohol is available. Given you are 17, have you tried to have a conversation with your parents about how you feel, and your use of alcohol? If you have not, I am wondering if this might be a place to start? If you are unsure how to start the conversation, we can think about this specifically.
Regarding how you feel: I promise you while alcohol may seem like the solution, it is not. And I believe deep down you are thinking the same. After a person drinks alcohol, it crosses into the brain in 30 minutes and starts to alter the chemicals we need for mental health...making things like depression and anxiety worse.
I am also wondering if part of the " high" you might get is the sneaking around: finding it, consuming it ....knowing you could get caught but feeling a sense of thrill when you do not? If this is accurate, let's think about how to replace that as this will be important for your recovery.
Besides being free from alcohol, what else are you hoping for? Are you a senior in HS? If yes, can you tell me about your school? Public, private, large, small, classes you are taking? Extracurricular activities? What subjects do you like? Dislike?
And now: Let's start with a few simple actions that can help you start to feel better:
1. Full spectrum light: Sunshine. It is free and usually available. In the morning, take off your sunglasses and allow the sun to shine on your face directly for 15-20 minutes. If you live in a cloudy area, consider a light bulb that is "full spectrum". I have one that I turn on first thing in the morning. Do not use it at night time, however. Low light at night before sleep.
2.Diet: protein is energizing. Try to consume protein sources in the morning, lunch, mid-afternoon, but avoid high protein meals at dinner time. Please let me know if you need more info about this.
3. Fluids: mostly water, but tea, coffee, juice all count. How much? About 6-8 cups per day throughout the day. I carry a 4 cup container which allows me to measure my intake.
There is an individual with a compelling story: Ben Tuff. He has made some public videos about his journey. Please check him out.
Lastly, I just want you to know I am new to 7 cups....just joined a few days ago actually so I am learning how it works. Not sure how the system came up with my name! I assure you I had nothing to do with it! Hence my nick name: Jack.
Please let me know if you have any questions....
And thank you....for answering back.
My best to you....
Jack
Bonjour
Je ne préfère pas en parler avec mes parents.
Je suis quelqu'un de pas mal anxieuse dans ma vie, alors je ne trouve pas cela très excitant de risquer de me faire surprendre.
Oui je suis en terminale. Je suis dans un lycée public en France, assez grand et construit sur le mode campus américain. En dehors des cours je fais partie d'un groupe de musique au lycée.
Merci pour ces conseils. Je vais voir les vidéos de Ben Tuff.
Bienvenue sur 7Cups ! Si vous avez besoin d'aide sur le fonctionnement je serais ravie de vous aider, de faire tout pour en tout cas. Je crois que le système attribue des noms aléatoires, mais qu'il est possible de changer.
Merci à vous.
Sorry, I wasn't paying attention, I answered in French
Hello
I'd rather not talk about it with my parents.
I'm a pretty anxious person in my life, so I don't find it very exciting to risk getting caught.
Yes, I'm in my final year of high school. I'm in a public high school in France, quite large and built in the style of an American campus. Outside of class, I'm in a school band.
Thanks for the advice. I'll watch Ben Tuff's videos.
Welcome to 7Cups! If you need any help with how it works, I'd be happy to help you, or at least do everything I can. I believe the system assigns random names, but it's possible to change them.
Thank you
@reservedFarm2656
Bonjour!
Thank you for the reply. It is very helpful knowing a little more about you including you live in France.
Yes, I would greatly appreciate your help with 7 cups.
About me: I live in the US (please do not hold that against me....) Last Friday I came across 7 cups, read some posts, and on Saturday joined as a member. I thought I might have something to offer and am highly motivated to be a support for others. When I write "I am here for you"....it is what I mean.
I will be traveling starting tomorrow so I will have a little less opportunity to reply in a timely manner (I have not downloaded the app...yet). just fyi.
Given you would prefer not to involve your parents, let's put our heads together and make a plan for you. What are our goals? 1. To get you to Recovery....the place where you can live without alcohol. 2. Enable you to start living your best life.
Anxiety: here is a breathing technique I like: count to 4 as you inhale through your nose, hold your breath to the count of 7 then exhale through your mouth as you count to 8. Repeat until you start to feel calmer. 4-7-8.
Take good care....
My best,
Jack
Hello.
Feel free to ask me if you have any questions about 7Cups.
Why would I hold it against you that you live in the United States? It’s great that you support others with such enthusiasm.
Cool—are you traveling for work or pleasure? Either way, no worries; I understand.
To be honest, when I made that post, I was looking for an answer and trying to understand something. I had another question: how do you tell the difference between not wanting to stop because it makes you feel good, and not being able to stop because it’s become a need? I feel like for me, it’s more of a choice than a need—that I could stop if I wanted to—but since I don’t particularly want to, I feel like a fraud.
Thanks for the tip on dealing with anxiety.
Thanks for everything.
@reservedFarm2656
Dear Farm,
I was expecting to be on the road today, but developed a little tooth issue...all solved, but departure delayed by a day. Traveling for both work and fun: thank you for asking!
What questions do I have about 7 cups? Well, how did you find it, and what prompted you to write? How long have you been part of the forum?
Your English writing is very good. Have you traveled to the US? If yes, what areas? I have been to Paris twice but have not traveled much around France itself.
The subject of alcohol...honestly, very tricky. It has been such a part of societies across the globe, so much historical economy tied to it, so much a part of life emotions...people drink to celebrate, drink when they 're sad, and drink when they're anxious. Is a small amount going to harm our health? Research is conflicted on that. Is more than a small amount going to harm our health? Information currently says it has the power to do so. Any time someone says " I am not going to drink today" but is unable to fulfill that likely has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Please let me know if you have questions about this. Why does this matter to me? Because I hope you are able to live your best life....which includes your healthiest life.
Thank you, too, for helping me with 7 cups.
My best,
Jack
@reservedFarm2656
Hi again,
I copied your question onto my answer as I do not believe I fully answered the question you posted below. In an earlier post I asked if the seeking, sneaking and then consuming made you feel good( as it would likely elevate your dopamine..one of our important feel good neurotransmitters). You said no., but I am going to circle back and re-ask the question.
But if still no to the question, how do you think alcohol makes you feel good( and what does this mean specifically)? And can you feel good in the same way without it?
If a person cannot feel good without consuming alcohol, a line from wants to needs has probably been crossed. I am wondering if you are trying to convince yourself you do not " need it" but rather just "like it", and therefore, it has no power over you. Has there been a time when you have not had any alcohol recently? If yes, for how long? What happened during that time?
Alcohol dependency can come in two forms: the physical(partly determined by our genes), and the psychological. Both exist together. Both are important for changing an alcohol dependency.
I hope this makes some sense to you. Here in the states, there is a formal set of questions called the AUDIT alcohol questions. It is used to clarify someone's relationship with alcohol. If you can, take a look.
In the meantime, I hope you are getting sunshine in the morning, water throughout the day and breathing....4-7-8.
Jack
To be honest, when I made that post, I was looking for an answer and trying to understand something. I had another question: how do you tell the difference between not wanting to stop because it makes you feel good, and not being able to stop because it’s become a need? I feel like for me, it’s more of a choice than a need—that I could stop if I wanted to—but since I don’t particularly want to, I feel like a fraud.
Oh, that’s a shame... but it’s great that the trip is for pleasure, too!
I found 7cups because I was looking for a site where I could open up to someone. I don't remember exactly how long I've had the app, but it’s probably been about six months.
I have to admit my English is pretty bad; I use Google Translate. Did you enjoy Paris?
I think I could keep a promise not to drink for the day if someone close to me asked me to. But it would mostly be to prove that I can handle it, so they’d leave me alone about it in the future.
Maybe it does boost my dopamine—that’s possible... I wonder why it would, though? But what I like most about drinking alcohol is that it stops me from overthinking. I’m constantly thinking about everything, and it makes me tired and anxious. I doubt everything, all the time. At least when I drink, my mind is altered and I don't think as much—or at least my thoughts feel lighter. Music sometimes helps me stop overthinking, too, but unfortunately, that’s not always an option. I don't know if what I'm about to say will make you uncomfortable or if it doesn't belong in this post, but here goes: things happen—let's just say, to avoid sounding crazy, "in my head." Let's just say I believe in "things" of a "supernatural" nature. And these "things" mean I have to perform certain "actions"—small, repetitive gestures or rituals. These gestures wear me out, but I have to do them under specific physical and/or mental conditions. I’ve accepted that this is just how it is. It’s just that I’m tired, and I end up doing more of them because I can’t channel my thoughts properly. That’s why drinking helps me so much. I perform fewer "actions" and I don't think as much. I’m sorry if you find this unsettling.
The last time I drank alcohol must have been a week ago. It was one morning before class; I had a beer. Let's just say the start of the term wasn't easy for me. I think if I’d had access to more beer since last week, I would have drunk some by now. There is alcohol at home—Sangria—but I’ve tried it before and I don’t like it, so I don’t drink it. It’s not like I *need* it, right? Otherwise, whether I liked it or not, I would have drunk it anyway, wouldn't I? I once went to a party where the goal was to get drunk; I didn't like the alcohol, but I drank it anyway.
Yes, I’ve seen the AUDIT questionnaire before. The problem is, I don't drink more simply because I can't get hold of it—but if I could, I probably would have. So, I’m not sure if the questionnaire result would be entirely accurate.
Thanks,
Have a good trip.
Hello,
I had a beer tonight to celebrate my mother's birthday. I felt like having more, but I would have had to wait for the rest of my family to go to bed in order to they dont see me. I chose to go to bed instead because I was tired.
@reservedFarm2656
Bonjour, Reserved Farm.
I am back home.
Why does dopamine increase? Because you are seeking something you feel gives you pleasure and when you find it, it increases your dopamine. This gives us the false sense that alcohol is " helpful" when the bottom line is it is harmful. More about this later....
I checked out Smart Recovery in France. While there are a lot of global options, the language is usually English. There is one contact I found in French: Olivier Engoute. Email: olivierengoute@outlook.com. If I knew how to add the photo I took of the page, I would.
Brief thought for today: do not believe everything you think.
And, lastly for now, what then was your AUDIT score?
My best to you,
Jack
Hello,
Did your trip go well?
Thank you for the information and the contact details.
The result of the Audit test showed low or no risk.
Thank you, and have a good day.
@reservedFarm2656
Hello, back!
Firstly, good decision for your health to stop at one beer in celebration of your Mom's birthday. You proved you CAN want more, but say no to more. This is so important.
And, thank you for checking out the AUDIT questions.... it is not perfect but simply one tool. Did you answer the questions honestly; if yes, it is good to know you are in the low risk category.
How are you otherwise doing?
Lastly, my trip overall went well. I will need to travel again in a week but hope to have more private computer connection. Given you are my 7 cups tutor, is there a way for me to connect this to my email so I receive a notification when I have a response from someone in the 7 cup community?
My best to you....
Jack
Hello,
Thanks, that’s kind of you. Yes, that’s a good thing.
I went to a music festival a few days ago and came home drunk. If I’d had the cash on me, I know I would’ve had another beer. I really feel like the best version of myself when I drink. I find it so much easier to handle social interactions. I genuinely feel better.
I haven't been at my best these past few days; I’ve been feeling lonely. How about you?
By the way, I wanted to mention that the breathing technique works quite well.
I’m glad your trip went well, and I hope the next one does too. I’m sorry, but I really don’t know if it’s possible to connect via email or not. You might find the answer in the "newbie" community.
Thanks.
Best to you too.
@reservedFarm2656
Dear Farm( if I may call you this or is there something else?)
I would ask: why do you feel you need alcohol to be the best version of yourself?
Tell me more about the loneliness, please.
I am glad you have found the 4-7-8 helpful:).
Jack
Yes, you can call me Farm.
When I’m not drinking, I stress about everything and overthink things. I don’t know why, but I struggle to communicate. I hate drawing attention to myself; it makes me really uncomfortable. But with alcohol, I feel bold enough to dance in front of people—like at a music festival (something I’d never do sober)—and I can talk to anyone I meet without feeling anxious about anything. I dare to do things I’d usually avoid out of fear of attracting attention. Alcohol lets me speak my mind and open up more to others.
I always feel at least a little lonely. But lately, I’ve been really missing my friends who left for college. I got into an argument with my parents over something trivial, and some students made a vlog about our high school and posted it on YouTube. In one part, they criticize a teacher and me. They drew a picture of me and made fun of my first name. It wasn't exactly high-level mockery, in itself. But it feels like the story of my life. I realized I’ve never managed to keep a solid friendship going for more than five years. I always end up getting rejected. Because of the distance and their lack of free time, my friends couldn't be there for me the way they would have liked. I don't hold it against them, but it hasn't changed the fact that I'm lonely.
Thanks.
@reservedFarm2656
Yes, you can call me Farm. Great....thank you, Farm!
I read your note a few days ago, and as is sometimes the situation, i need some thinking time. My thinking time is over and here are my thoughts.
When I’m not drinking, I stress about everything and overthink things. I don’t know why, but I struggle to communicate. What is alcohol doing for you that you cannot do on your own? I hate drawing attention to myself; it makes me really uncomfortable. But with alcohol, I feel bold enough to dance in front of people—like at a music festival (something I’d never do sober)—and I can talk to anyone I meet without feeling anxious about anything. I dare to do things I’d usually avoid out of fear of attracting attention. Alcohol lets me speak my mind and open up more to others. While you believe you need the alcohol to do these things, I am asking...do you really? It is a crutch that is holding you back so let's figure out a way to allow you to walk totally on your own.
First step: find a safe goal to start. Ask someone to be a study partner for an exam?
I always feel at least a little lonely. But lately, I’ve been really missing my friends who left for college. Why are you not in college? I got into an argument with my parents over something trivial, Arguments happen. Is the situation all over, or does it require an apology to move forward? No one of us is perfect, and it is important we know how to say " I am sorry" and mean it. And then let it go. and some students made a vlog about our high school and posted it on YouTube. In one part, they criticize a teacher and me. They drew a picture of me and made fun of my first name. It wasn't exactly high-level mockery, in itself. Ok ......what is the situation of this video now? Has it blown over b/c others thought it was stupid? Has your teacher seen it? Why you and a teacher anyway? But it feels like the story of my life. I realized I’ve never managed to keep a solid friendship going for more than five years. I always end up getting rejected. Because of the distance and their lack of free time, my friends couldn't be there for me the way they would have liked. I don't hold it against them, but it hasn't changed the fact that I'm lonely.
You mention your now-college friends: how did you form your friendship with them? Can you do that again with students your own level or maybe a year younger?
I know you have parents, but what about sisters/ brothers? Cousins in the area?
It is not easy in this day to ignore the sheer rudeness of others. But do not let them hold power over you! I am shocked by the actions of others who feel they can say the meanest things online about someone else, but usually would not say the same to the person's face. Please do not judge your self worth because of their actions. You are better than that, and better than they are. I just want you to tell you that I already know you are smart, kind and thoughtful. I sense you feel you do not have much to offer, and I am here to say: I know you have much to offer.
You are not alone....I remain here for you.
My best,
Jack
Hello
What does alcohol give me that I can't achieve on my own? Those rare moments when I don't feel quite so bad. Alcohol brings me a sense of calm that I rarely find otherwise. It helps me cope with life; without it, things are harder.
A partner for an exam? Why not, but I don't have anyone to ask. Maybe my cousin, who is also in high school—we aren't in the same class, but we have the same teacher. Or a friend from another course where the classes are mixed. Otherwise, I don't think there's anyone else I could ask.
I'm not at university because I'm only 17; the friends I have there are a year older than me.
Yes, the argument with my parents has blown over.
The video of those students has been set to private, as has the account itself. I don't even know if the part where they were mocking us still exists. Why my teacher and me? Because I think we both fall into the "weirdo" category.
I met my university friends through a mutual friend. One of them invited me to his birthday party; I met his group of friends there, and now I'm part of the group. I still have friends at high school, but I'm not very close to them. I mostly spend time with my cousin, who is also part of my friend group. I don't really want to make new friends because I don't want to lose them—the way I lost everyone else at one point.
I have a 22-year-old brother I argue with often; unfortunately, we don't talk all that much. My sister is a year younger than me, and we have (or had) a very close, almost inseparable relationship. After she started high school, she spoke to me less and shared fewer things. Things have improved a bit at the start of this year. Still, I wouldn't tell her everything about myself. I have another sister, who is seven. We don't have many serious conversations because she's still young, but we get along well. We aren't the closest, though. Actually, when I picture myself as an adult, I'm afraid I won't have a bond with them anymore—that we'll stop talking to each other.
Thank you so much. That means a lot to me.
Thanks for everything.
I'm here too, if you need anything.
Best wishes to you as well.
@reservedFarm2656
Dear Farm,
Thank you so much for your note.
I thought you might be interested in why I am here....with you and others.
In May 2025 a relative by marriage decided to make floral arrangements for her friends who were mothers. In addition, she bought some beer and was drinking alone while working on her gifts.
When she visited her friends' homes, they also( not knowing she had had a 6 pack of beer) offered her wine, etc. By the time she left the last house to drive home, it was dark, she was drunk and driving. On the side of the road was a worker/ and worker van. Unfortunately, she did not see the worker until she had slammed into him. Fortunately, for her, the person lived but did require several surgeries to address his injuries. In a moment, her life ( and others') was changed in ways I could not even imagine. After that, I become much more aware of how alcohol is being used and at the same time, many research studies started being published regarding what/how alcohol affects our health.
I chose to train to help others with substance use...especially alcohol. I was already a part-time brain researcher, an integrative medicine practitioner, and a mom to 3 sons.
I do not think you are weird. In fact, I think you are quite amazing!
I must run for now, but I will be back.....
Jack
Hello,
This is a very striking story. I am so sorry for all of you; it must not have been easy to go through. How did you experience it personally?
Your profession sounds very interesting. It is very thoughtful of you to care about all of this.
Thank you very much.
See you soon, then
@reservedFarm2656
Dear Farm,
Thank you for the note.
To answer your question about the person whose story I told: I was unaware of the depth of her relationship with alcohol until the car crash. At that time, she was preparing to move to another state, get engaged, start a new life. Now? She cannot move out of the area because she has jail time to complete, cannot have a driver's license, may be difficult to find a job once she completes her jail time. In sum, not the life she envisioned living. It is from this that I became aware of SMART Recovery. The positive for her is she sees herself paying it forward to now help others.
You tell me that you are a " weirdo". What it is about you that you are describing yourself in such a way? I am thinking the term weirdo you use is not a compliment? Maybe another word would be more accurate: unique or exceptional or both?
You also say you have a hard time communicating. Can you give me an example? When I first started taking care of patients, I would describe myself as a bit shy and quiet. However, I had patients who did not know me sitting in an exam room waiting for me to come in. It was my responsibility to go in, introduce myself and connect with each person in 30 seconds or less. Not an easy task for a shy, quiet person. I found myself going into "actress mode" , knocked on the door and the moment I went in, started with a hearty " hello, Ms....... It is so nice to meet you today. How can I help?". Gradually overtime, it became more natural and now.....here I am communicating with a friend who lives in France! And I would say there is not anyone with whom I cannot start a conversation.
Since you are a student, I am a former university professor( until I gave someone a grade he deserved and he threatened to harm me!!!) how about an assignment? I wonder if you looked around one of your classes, would there not be one other person who is on the quiet side, also? Identify that person and try reaching out. If that person says no thanks....it is not about you. It is about them.
Tomorrow I travel.
Take good care...
Jack aka Katie
Hello Katie,
I am so sorry to hear about your relative.
I know I’m not "normal"—or at least, not conventional. I’m more of a "nerd," and to my generation—or at least in high school—that’s seen as pretty weird. And I probably come across as weird, or even crazy, given the "actions" I told you about. I’m not sure "weird" can be taken as a compliment. Someone once told me I was "weird, but not in a good way." Otherwise, though, I take not being like everyone else as a compliment. Still, that doesn't make me feel any less lonely.
Yes, I do struggle with communication in a way. For instance, if a classmate I’m not close to comes up to talk to me, I’ll answer—without shyness—but inside, I don’t know... I panic a bit, and I end up stuttering slightly. I don’t know; I feel like the way I speak isn't as natural as it is for others. I’m reserved, too, but that doesn't stop me from saying what I need to say. Actually, most of the time I manage to speak, though I’d say the way I do it is strange. It might just be my impression. It’s true that meeting patients you don’t know—especially at the start—must be intimidating, particularly if you’re shy and reserved. It’s great, then, that you’re able to hold conversations with everyone now.
It’s true that the teaching profession seems increasingly dangerous to me. I’m sorry you’re going through that. I suppose I could potentially find someone in a mixed class, but I’ve never actually spoken to her. I wouldn't even know what to say; I don’t know her at all. Just her first name. Thank you.
Have a good trip
@reservedFarm2656
Dear Farm,
I do want to clarify......there is nothing about you that I would identify as weird( in any way). If you feel you are "different", I say: fantastic! How boring the world would be if we were all the same.
If there are aspects of your life that you would like to be another way....ie: more friends, then let's figure out a way to make that happen. Start with a goal of one new friend.
What to say? What do you both have in common, and ask her opinion of what she thinks about it? Is there a test in the class or a group project that you might collaborate on? Think of a couple of questions that require more than a yes or no answer.
Besides school, where else do others in your age group go on a regular basis? Here in the states there are after-school clubs, options for volunteering. How about there where you live?
I will be back in touch in a few days....
Take good care!
Katie
Hi again, Katie
That’s kind of you.
I’m not necessarily looking to make more friends. If I were to change anything about my life, it would be to stop overthinking everything—to the point where I doubt everything—and to stop getting so anxious.
I’ll try asking him questions about our classes; that’s a good idea—thanks.
Outside of class, I’m in a band at school. Otherwise, I’m not sure what most young people do. Maybe go shopping or hang out in parks. Some play sports.
Thanks, and talk soon
@reservedFarm2656
This may be a repeat so I apologize for this if it is....
Yes, you can call me Farm. Great....thank you, Farm!
I read your note a few days ago, and as is sometimes the situation, i need some thinking time. My thinking time is over and here are my thoughts.
When I’m not drinking, I stress about everything and overthink things. I don’t know why, but I struggle to communicate. What is alcohol doing for you that you cannot do on your own? I hate drawing attention to myself; it makes me really uncomfortable. But with alcohol, I feel bold enough to dance in front of people—like at a music festival (something I’d never do sober)—and I can talk to anyone I meet without feeling anxious about anything. I dare to do things I’d usually avoid out of fear of attracting attention. Alcohol lets me speak my mind and open up more to others. While you believe you need the alcohol to do these things, I am asking...do you really? It is a crutch that is holding you back so let's figure out a way to allow you to walk totally on your own.
First step: find a safe goal to start. Ask someone to be a study partner for an exam?
I always feel at least a little lonely. But lately, I’ve been really missing my friends who left for college. Why are you not in college? I got into an argument with my parents over something trivial, Arguments happen. Is the situation all over, or does it require an apology to move forward? No one of us is perfect, and it is important we know how to say " I am sorry" and mean it. And then let it go. and some students made a vlog about our high school and posted it on YouTube. In one part, they criticize a teacher and me. They drew a picture of me and made fun of my first name. It wasn't exactly high-level mockery, in itself. Ok ......what is the situation of this video now? Has it blown over b/c others thought it was stupid? Has your teacher seen it? Why you and a teacher anyway? But it feels like the story of my life. I realized I’ve never managed to keep a solid friendship going for more than five years. I always end up getting rejected. Because of the distance and their lack of free time, my friends couldn't be there for me the way they would have liked. I don't hold it against them, but it hasn't changed the fact that I'm lonely.
You mention your now-college friends: how did you form your friendship with them? Can you do that again with students your own level or maybe a year younger?
I know you have parents, but what about sisters/ brothers? Cousins in the area?
It is not easy in this day to ignore the sheer rudeness of others. But do not let them hold power over you! I am shocked by the actions of others who feel they can say the meanest things online about someone else, but usually would not say the same to the person's face. Please do not judge your self worth because of their actions. You are better than that, and better than they are. I just want you to tell you that I already know you are smart, kind and thoughtful. I sense you feel you do not have much to offer, and I am here to say: I know you have much to offer.
You are not alone....I remain here for you.
My best,
Jack
@littleJackfruit6726
Dear Farm,
SO sorry for the double message. I was having some issues with my signing in ( a newbie still!).
Any way, you have double copies of the same note. Tried to delete the second one, but I was not able to do it.
Jack
No worries! That’s happened to me too; it’s no big deal. Yeah, I don't think you can delete it.
I once felt that way myself and it started at about your age, 2 years older in fact. I would reach out to whomever you feel safe with to get some help with this before it becomes a larger issue as it could (and did) with me.
Wishing you all the best and hoping things get easier
Thank you very much for sharing your experience and for your advice. Really.
Hey dear
Do well to send me a dm
Maybe not an addiction but maybe a codependency or reliance? I can relate, I felt the same way when I was around your age to. If you ever need someone to talk to who gets it, I’m around. You’re not alone. You’re stronger than you think
Perhaps. Can you tell me more about you feeling about it ?
Thanks
@reservedFarm2656
Hello, Farm,
Just checking in to see how you are. Anything new? Anything the same?
Where would you like to go from here?
Best,
Katie
Hello,
That’s very kind of you, thank you. I don’t have anything special to share—nothing out of the ordinary. I haven’t managed to approach the girl in my class yet, but maybe one day. Otherwise, the holidays are coming up soon, and I’ll be able to see my friends who are away at university again.
I don’t know where I want to go. When I made that post, it was to find out, to understand, to put things into words. But I didn’t have a specific destination in mind, and that’s still the case.
And how are you doing?
@reservedFarm2656
Hello, hello!
I have returned from my travel and will have more time to be available.
You had at one time, I thought, felt that you would like to address anxiety. I believe I can assist with that if you would like.
Thank you for asking how I am.....mostly, I am doing well, but, I too, have some anxieties about certain elements in my life. I try to live with intention..... and focus on elements that I cannot control.
I look forward to hearing from you...
Best,
Katie
Hello!
If you could help me with my anxiety, I’d certainly appreciate it—that’s very kind of you.
Would you like to tell me more about your anxieties? It’s a good thing, then, to focus on what you can control.
Talk soon!
@reservedFarm2656
Dear Farm,
Bonjour!
Are your college age friends home for break? If yes, how has that been?
Regarding anxiety: I use the 4-7-8 breathing technique quite often. I try to spend at least one hour in nature per day...at a park for example.
What is going on with you when you feel anxious? And what are your current ways to cope?
There are several nutrients important for brain health especially with regard to anxiety. Please tell me how/when/ what do you eat? If you do not eat animal protein, for example, you may be lacking in some of those nutrients. This is not to say we should eat animal protein, but rather, we need to find ways to acquire these potential missing nutrients so our brain and gut can work optimally.( and they work together!)
Stay safe and well, my Friend....
Katie
Hello Katie,
My friends are coming back this weekend for the holidays. We’re planning to have some get-togethers. I saw two of them a few days ago, but they seemed rather distant—I’m not sure. It might just be my impression, though.
I understand; I try using that method quite often myself. I’m glad that spending time in nature helps you relax, but I don’t think it’s really for me.
When I’m anxious, I tend to bite my nails. I feel like I’m never truly relaxed—or at least, it’s very rare. I have a tendency to question everything—absolutely everything—and it stresses me out. Sometimes, when someone says something to me, I’ll replay the scene over and over in my head to make sure I understood what they meant, but I’m always left with doubts, which just leads to more scenarios and questions. It’s really distressing. To cope with anxiety, I usually listen to music, play the guitar, get lost in YouTube, or watch a series. That’s also why I mentioned that drinking makes me feel better—it stops me from asking myself all those questions; I just stop caring. The only problem is when I sober up, because then I’m no longer sure what people actually said to me.
I eat in the morning, at lunch, and in the evening—though I eat very little in the morning, and sometimes I don’t eat anything at all. I also occasionally have a small snack in the afternoon. I eat meat, almost at every meal. Aside from that, I’d say my diet is fairly balanced.
And how are you doing?
Take care of yourself, too.
@reservedFarm2656
Dear Farm,
Wow....you seem to have come a long way since we first met....good for you! I see that you are able to recognize in others unhealthy patterns of thinking, so, how then, do you also make the changes to think more positively?
To begin, do not believe everything you think! Ask yourself a few key questions: is what I am thinking really true? If you feel it is, ask yourself: is it really important? So much of what we find ourselves dwelling on will not actually matter in a few days, weeks or months. Why waste precious time and energy on stuff that is not important?
I love to hear that you use music as a way to de-stress. It is a great tool.
Regarding food: how many veggies and what types do you eat in a day? How about fish(esp salmon), nuts, yoghurt/kefir? How do you feel about green tea?
Last thought for now>>> What can you do today that will carry through until tomorrow to give you calm?
My best to you...
Katie
Oops....
focus on elements I can control.....not on the ones I cannot control.
@reservedFarm2656 I relate to this yes I drink every day now and often first when I wake up the past few days all though I wake up already drunk because I keep drinking late into the night time I view my situation as an addiction and possibly yours is too but don’t worry you’re not alone what I’m realizing for me is that I’m actually very selfish putting the people around me through stress by my sad and conflicted and angry outbursts I tend to get when I get to a certain point of drunk and my pain starts flooding my heart and body mind spirit soul it gets hard to even change the subject and I feel selfish in the sense I don’t want to get out of it I feel I’m also addicted to toxic behaviors and toxicity I find it attractive when people match my low energy I want to have a better life and I view pretty much everyone as better than me and I see it’s also consequences of my own actions I feel like a damn fool and a crash out I’m trying to navigate everything and I keep getting drunk and blaming everyone and everything for the pain I feel and i self sabotaged a new relationship with a really awesome healthy and stable guy who was so kind to me I feel like a dumb *** and I regret everything and I want to change but that doesn’t mean he will give me another chance I’m used to wanting to strike people and I’ve been hit before too and that’s not what happened but I feel like that’s so toxic and wrong too I want to be a better person and I’m not sure I can do it because I never fully follow through I feel like I give up and crash out all the time and I want to be perfect and I’m so far from it I will like I just sabotage everything anyways I hope you’re alright I’m sorry if this isn’t the place to talk about this but I resonated with you and I feel like I need to tell people about this too but also don’t feel secure enough to make a new post right now I hope someone can hear me and mayb even bless me with some helpful advice
Hello, I am truly sorry for what you’re going through. I understand—you’re caught in a vicious cycle: you drink, which causes your loved ones to worry; this makes you feel selfish, so you drink even more to numb or forget that feeling—and the cycle begins all over again.
Could you try to explain to me this attraction you feel toward people who share that same low energy as you?
I understand that you’re feeling unwell, and that your way of externalizing this is by blaming others. But let me tell you one thing: your worth is no less than anyone else’s just because you’re struggling and need help. The very fact that you feel guilt and want to change proves this. Sometimes, you need help to get there—and that doesn’t change who you are as a person or what you’re worth.
Even if your relationship didn’t work out and he won’t give you a second chance, the key is to keep moving forward—even when it’s difficult—and to do your best moving ahead.
Could you elaborate on what you mean when you say you want to hit people, and that you have been hit yourself?
No one is perfect; what matters is always doing your best. Don’t beat yourself up for having given up—perhaps try again, but in a different way if the previous approach didn’t work. Could you seek professional help, or perhaps have a loved one by your side to support you so you don’t give up? I’m not sure if my advice is any good, but I certainly hope so. In any case, keep your hope alive—you are not alone.
Please rest assured: you can open up here. I understand if you don’t feel comfortable responding—no worries at all. In any case, I’m here whenever you want to talk—I’m happy to listen. I hope you get some good advice.
Take care of yourself.
@reservedFarm2656 thank you for responding to me so attentively that is so kind of you and I feel love thank ya I feel like I’m attracted to people who are obsessive and toxic and abusive towards me and won’t leave me alone and show up when I don’t want them to and scream at me I was talking to my step mom and she thinks it’s because that’s what I’m used to and familiar with but I want to be different and I do those bad behaviors also. Thank you for helping me feel worth I hope I can keep this up and really get help. Yes I’ve hit people before and I’ve been hit too when the arguments get too heated but I also recognize that we shouldn’t be arguing like that anyways
I am truly sorry for what you are going through. I hope you find good people around you, and that you get the help you need. Please feel free to send more messages; I am here to listen.
@reservedFarm2656 thank you I’m here too if you ever want or need to talk :) I hope so too..
Thanks
@goodWatermelon4121
Dear Good( if I may call you this?)
I am not sure if you have read thru all the posts, but if you have, my first note to you will be a repeat of info.
If you can, might you share your approximate age....are you under 18yo or over, in school or not? This will help me support you better.
Let's start with what is so harmful to you....no matter what else is going on: your relationship with alcohol. There has been a lot of research done in the last 5-7years that informs us: alcohol is really pretty unhealthy for any of us. One way is it crosses into our brains within 30 minutes of drinking and begins to affect the brain chemicals that support mood, how we think, how we sleep, in sum, how our brain functions!. We think alcohol is our friend, but really, it is not.
Depending upon how much you drink will depend upon the schedule to stop. Have you stopped before? How did you do it? What happened that you restarted? Do you have access to alcohol in your home? Do you have support to stop drinking in your home?
In closing.....I hear you, and I am here for you....
Jack aka Katie
