Question
I’m 17 and I drink almost whenever I can. It’s not a physical need, but I don’t want to feel sober because otherwise my problems seem too heavy to bear. Can this be considered addiction? If not, at what point does it become one?
@reservedFarm2656
It can be classes an addiction if you need it not to feel 💛
It's important to process even difficult feelings.
You deserve to be happy and healthy and free 💛
Thanks
@reservedFarm2656
A pleasure 💜
@reservedFarm2656
Dear Reserved Farm,
Thank you so much for reaching out. This is an important first step for you.
Amanda provided some good information, but I would like to expand a bit more.
First, if you are drinking daily more than 5 ounces per day, please consult a health care professional who is knowledgeable about alcohol use disorder (AUD). Please let me know if you can do this or need support. It is not helpful to quit abruptly under this circumstance.
Secondly, there are several organizations that I would like to share with you in addition to this organization's options. The first is SMART Recovery. This is a free, international organization with in- person and online meeting options. Most of the facilitators have walked the walk themselves. If you do not find the first group " a fit" try another one. It can take checking out a few meetings to find the one that feels right. You can attend a different one every day. SMART Recovery also offers 24/7 support. All Recovery is another group for which I have heard good things, but do not have experience with it. Both of these options are non-religious. AA on the other hand, has been a good support for those who especially like the religious component.
Thirdly, you share you have heavy burdens. Are you able to expand a little more about these? And what else do you do? School? Job? Exercise? Family?
Finally, for now: your decision to reach out took strength and courage. I am here to support you through this journey.
Jack
Thank you very much. Since I still live with my parents, I can only drink in secret—sometimes in the morning before school or at night before bed. Otherwise, I take the opportunity to drink during pre-dinner drinks when my parents allow it, since I’m still a minor. I also take the chance to drink at parties whenever I can, without getting completely wasted. I’ve only ever gone to a party specifically to get drunk with friends once. I can't go to bars between classes because I don't really have the time, but mainly because I'm not of legal age, so I wouldn't be served.
Thanks for the information regarding SMART Recovery.
I generally feel bad; I’ve faced a lot of rejection and don't feel like I belong anywhere. I’m mentally exhausted.
Thank you.
@reservedFarm2656
Hello, Friend,
Thank you for your additional information. There is a lot to think about, but we can do this together.
It sounds like you are in a home where alcohol use is accepted, and therefore, alcohol is available. Given you are 17, have you tried to have a conversation with your parents about how you feel, and your use of alcohol? If you have not, I am wondering if this might be a place to start? If you are unsure how to start the conversation, we can think about this specifically.
Regarding how you feel: I promise you while alcohol may seem like the solution, it is not. And I believe deep down you are thinking the same. After a person drinks alcohol, it crosses into the brain in 30 minutes and starts to alter the chemicals we need for mental health...making things like depression and anxiety worse.
I am also wondering if part of the " high" you might get is the sneaking around: finding it, consuming it ....knowing you could get caught but feeling a sense of thrill when you do not? If this is accurate, let's think about how to replace that as this will be important for your recovery.
Besides being free from alcohol, what else are you hoping for? Are you a senior in HS? If yes, can you tell me about your school? Public, private, large, small, classes you are taking? Extracurricular activities? What subjects do you like? Dislike?
And now: Let's start with a few simple actions that can help you start to feel better:
1. Full spectrum light: Sunshine. It is free and usually available. In the morning, take off your sunglasses and allow the sun to shine on your face directly for 15-20 minutes. If you live in a cloudy area, consider a light bulb that is "full spectrum". I have one that I turn on first thing in the morning. Do not use it at night time, however. Low light at night before sleep.
2.Diet: protein is energizing. Try to consume protein sources in the morning, lunch, mid-afternoon, but avoid high protein meals at dinner time. Please let me know if you need more info about this.
3. Fluids: mostly water, but tea, coffee, juice all count. How much? About 6-8 cups per day throughout the day. I carry a 4 cup container which allows me to measure my intake.
There is an individual with a compelling story: Ben Tuff. He has made some public videos about his journey. Please check him out.
Lastly, I just want you to know I am new to 7 cups....just joined a few days ago actually so I am learning how it works. Not sure how the system came up with my name! I assure you I had nothing to do with it! Hence my nick name: Jack.
Please let me know if you have any questions....
And thank you....for answering back.
My best to you....
Jack
Bonjour
Je ne préfère pas en parler avec mes parents.
Je suis quelqu'un de pas mal anxieuse dans ma vie, alors je ne trouve pas cela très excitant de risquer de me faire surprendre.
Oui je suis en terminale. Je suis dans un lycée public en France, assez grand et construit sur le mode campus américain. En dehors des cours je fais partie d'un groupe de musique au lycée.
Merci pour ces conseils. Je vais voir les vidéos de Ben Tuff.
Bienvenue sur 7Cups ! Si vous avez besoin d'aide sur le fonctionnement je serais ravie de vous aider, de faire tout pour en tout cas. Je crois que le système attribue des noms aléatoires, mais qu'il est possible de changer.
Merci à vous.
Sorry, I wasn't paying attention, I answered in French
Hello
I'd rather not talk about it with my parents.
I'm a pretty anxious person in my life, so I don't find it very exciting to risk getting caught.
Yes, I'm in my final year of high school. I'm in a public high school in France, quite large and built in the style of an American campus. Outside of class, I'm in a school band.
Thanks for the advice. I'll watch Ben Tuff's videos.
Welcome to 7Cups! If you need any help with how it works, I'd be happy to help you, or at least do everything I can. I believe the system assigns random names, but it's possible to change them.
Thank you
@reservedFarm2656
Bonjour!
Thank you for the reply. It is very helpful knowing a little more about you including you live in France.
Yes, I would greatly appreciate your help with 7 cups.
About me: I live in the US (please do not hold that against me....) Last Friday I came across 7 cups, read some posts, and on Saturday joined as a member. I thought I might have something to offer and am highly motivated to be a support for others. When I write "I am here for you"....it is what I mean.
I will be traveling starting tomorrow so I will have a little less opportunity to reply in a timely manner (I have not downloaded the app...yet). just fyi.
Given you would prefer not to involve your parents, let's put our heads together and make a plan for you. What are our goals? 1. To get you to Recovery....the place where you can live without alcohol. 2. Enable you to start living your best life.
Anxiety: here is a breathing technique I like: count to 4 as you inhale through your nose, hold your breath to the count of 7 then exhale through your mouth as you count to 8. Repeat until you start to feel calmer. 4-7-8.
Take good care....
My best,
Jack
Hello.
Feel free to ask me if you have any questions about 7Cups.
Why would I hold it against you that you live in the United States? It’s great that you support others with such enthusiasm.
Cool—are you traveling for work or pleasure? Either way, no worries; I understand.
To be honest, when I made that post, I was looking for an answer and trying to understand something. I had another question: how do you tell the difference between not wanting to stop because it makes you feel good, and not being able to stop because it’s become a need? I feel like for me, it’s more of a choice than a need—that I could stop if I wanted to—but since I don’t particularly want to, I feel like a fraud.
Thanks for the tip on dealing with anxiety.
Thanks for everything.
@reservedFarm2656
Dear Farm,
I was expecting to be on the road today, but developed a little tooth issue...all solved, but departure delayed by a day. Traveling for both work and fun: thank you for asking!
What questions do I have about 7 cups? Well, how did you find it, and what prompted you to write? How long have you been part of the forum?
Your English writing is very good. Have you traveled to the US? If yes, what areas? I have been to Paris twice but have not traveled much around France itself.
The subject of alcohol...honestly, very tricky. It has been such a part of societies across the globe, so much historical economy tied to it, so much a part of life emotions...people drink to celebrate, drink when they 're sad, and drink when they're anxious. Is a small amount going to harm our health? Research is conflicted on that. Is more than a small amount going to harm our health? Information currently says it has the power to do so. Any time someone says " I am not going to drink today" but is unable to fulfill that likely has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Please let me know if you have questions about this. Why does this matter to me? Because I hope you are able to live your best life....which includes your healthiest life.
Thank you, too, for helping me with 7 cups.
My best,
Jack
@reservedFarm2656
Hi again,
I copied your question onto my answer as I do not believe I fully answered the question you posted below. In an earlier post I asked if the seeking, sneaking and then consuming made you feel good( as it would likely elevate your dopamine..one of our important feel good neurotransmitters). You said no., but I am going to circle back and re-ask the question.
But if still no to the question, how do you think alcohol makes you feel good( and what does this mean specifically)? And can you feel good in the same way without it?
If a person cannot feel good without consuming alcohol, a line from wants to needs has probably been crossed. I am wondering if you are trying to convince yourself you do not " need it" but rather just "like it", and therefore, it has no power over you. Has there been a time when you have not had any alcohol recently? If yes, for how long? What happened during that time?
Alcohol dependency can come in two forms: the physical(partly determined by our genes), and the psychological. Both exist together. Both are important for changing an alcohol dependency.
I hope this makes some sense to you. Here in the states, there is a formal set of questions called the AUDIT alcohol questions. It is used to clarify someone's relationship with alcohol. If you can, take a look.
In the meantime, I hope you are getting sunshine in the morning, water throughout the day and breathing....4-7-8.
Jack
To be honest, when I made that post, I was looking for an answer and trying to understand something. I had another question: how do you tell the difference between not wanting to stop because it makes you feel good, and not being able to stop because it’s become a need? I feel like for me, it’s more of a choice than a need—that I could stop if I wanted to—but since I don’t particularly want to, I feel like a fraud.
Oh, that’s a shame... but it’s great that the trip is for pleasure, too!
I found 7cups because I was looking for a site where I could open up to someone. I don't remember exactly how long I've had the app, but it’s probably been about six months.
I have to admit my English is pretty bad; I use Google Translate. Did you enjoy Paris?
I think I could keep a promise not to drink for the day if someone close to me asked me to. But it would mostly be to prove that I can handle it, so they’d leave me alone about it in the future.
Maybe it does boost my dopamine—that’s possible... I wonder why it would, though? But what I like most about drinking alcohol is that it stops me from overthinking. I’m constantly thinking about everything, and it makes me tired and anxious. I doubt everything, all the time. At least when I drink, my mind is altered and I don't think as much—or at least my thoughts feel lighter. Music sometimes helps me stop overthinking, too, but unfortunately, that’s not always an option. I don't know if what I'm about to say will make you uncomfortable or if it doesn't belong in this post, but here goes: things happen—let's just say, to avoid sounding crazy, "in my head." Let's just say I believe in "things" of a "supernatural" nature. And these "things" mean I have to perform certain "actions"—small, repetitive gestures or rituals. These gestures wear me out, but I have to do them under specific physical and/or mental conditions. I’ve accepted that this is just how it is. It’s just that I’m tired, and I end up doing more of them because I can’t channel my thoughts properly. That’s why drinking helps me so much. I perform fewer "actions" and I don't think as much. I’m sorry if you find this unsettling.
The last time I drank alcohol must have been a week ago. It was one morning before class; I had a beer. Let's just say the start of the term wasn't easy for me. I think if I’d had access to more beer since last week, I would have drunk some by now. There is alcohol at home—Sangria—but I’ve tried it before and I don’t like it, so I don’t drink it. It’s not like I *need* it, right? Otherwise, whether I liked it or not, I would have drunk it anyway, wouldn't I? I once went to a party where the goal was to get drunk; I didn't like the alcohol, but I drank it anyway.
Yes, I’ve seen the AUDIT questionnaire before. The problem is, I don't drink more simply because I can't get hold of it—but if I could, I probably would have. So, I’m not sure if the questionnaire result would be entirely accurate.
Thanks,
Have a good trip.
Hello,
I had a beer tonight to celebrate my mother's birthday. I felt like having more, but I would have had to wait for the rest of my family to go to bed in order to they dont see me. I chose to go to bed instead because I was tired.
I once felt that way myself and it started at about your age, 2 years older in fact. I would reach out to whomever you feel safe with to get some help with this before it becomes a larger issue as it could (and did) with me.
Wishing you all the best and hoping things get easier
Thank you very much for sharing your experience and for your advice. Really.