Benzodiazepines
I feel awful because I'm going to have to cancel my trauma focused CBT appointment today because I spent the last 6 days taking benzo's. I guess therapy can be a trigger and I thought I could handle it and control my use, but clearly it didn't work out that way. I've been here before, and I really am sick of it. They make me feel better at first, but because of the lack of REM sleep when on them, I just end up feeling too tired to deal with anything. Plus they impair my judgement, and then there is the rebound anxiety. At least this time it hasn't been too long. Since I am not considered to have a bad enough problem to warant treatment for addiction, I guess I'll just have to work on this on my own. Or maybe find a harm reduction charity that will work with me. I really don't want to miss out on being able to go to appointments that may help me work on the root causes from my addiction. I am torn. Maybe I should really be forcing myself to go to it and tell her, but it's probable she'll just tell me they can't treat someone in active addiction ~ even if this is just a temporary slip. I guess I'll know if I can't get off it by my appointment next week that I'm just lying to myself ~ I guess we'll see.
I wrote out a drug taper for myself this morning. So I'm going to try and stick to that. I found an app for taking prescribed meds on time, which I'm going to use, called: "Medisafe". It will alert me when and how much I can take, and I'm just going to have to resist the urges to think about taking more other than that and stay distracted.
I called and asked them to reschedule my appointment. So hopefully that will work out OK. I just really want to be stable enough to get the most out of therapy and I didn't feel I was today.
In addiction, there will be moments of stability and instability. It sounds like you're in a rough patch right now, but I can tell that you're aware that your current way of living isn't working for you and that a change needs to be made. Being constrained by expectations (i.e., missing appointments because you anticipate it going in a bad direction) can be really challenging! It's awesome that you've laid out a plan for yourself, now it's just sticking to that plan to the best of your ability that really matters. I believe in you :)
@IndigoRoses Thank you so much for your support. It means a lot to me! 
@resourcefulPond1641
Hi,
I support you!!!
You can do this!! 😀😀😀😀😀!!!!
@Axeman53 again, sorry, this shouldn't have been posted here.
@Axeman53 Of course I can't give you medical advise; but it sounds to me like you're tapering too fast for your body to adapt. I honestly wouldn't make another cut yet. Seizure-like symptoms can actually be pretty dangerous, and I really think you need to see a Doctor who understands about benzo withdrawals. (As an aside, we're not meant to mention the exact names of the medications on this forum for various reasons.) However as a general rule, because benzo withdrawal can kill you if you taper too fast, it's generally said that you can never taper too slowly. And if you need to stay at the same level for a couple more weeks until your body adjusts, then do that. Don't risk your life just to finish tapering off them sooner.
If you want more detailed, accurate advice about benzo tapers, then I'd recommend joining the forum: https://www.benzobuddies.org/ They are really knowledgeable in this area, and you can talk about specific medications and amounts there, which you aren't meant to here.
Good luck friend.
Ugh! I got completely free of them for a while, but then started again because I was depressed. It sometimes seems like I'm going around in circles.
@resourcefulPond1641 Hi there, I am so sorry to hear about the relapse. Addiction can defintely be like a cycle and hard to get out of. How are you dealing with the addiction and depression? We are here for you! I know you will get through this and feel better as well. Best wishes, and feel free to reach out to the listeners if you ever wish to talk with someone.
@resourcefulPond1641
I'm sorry to hear about your relapse. Addiction
can be very hard. I'm here for you.
You can PM me.
Take care of yourself! 😊😊😊😊!!
