I dont know fun anymore.
I have been in a routine for so long that involves drinking and doing cocaine on the weekend for fun. I want to to stop but now i just dont know what i enjoy anymore i cant think of things that were fun to me. All i know is cleaning the house,cooking and then the fun with the drinking...
@friendlyAvocado2948
Perhaps look around for hobbies, see what is out there. Whether it's something like crafting, jogging, cycling perhaps?
I would suggest more intensive activities - maybe BJJ, something that will clear your mind. Try everything and see what sticks. Think about the happiest time in your life and the things that were part of this time. What other things fulfil you and why? Outside? Inside? Are the substances a cover for anything?
I try to do new things and it works for that day so i stay sober that weekend. But when the next weekend comes its back into the same routine. Its like i feel like ive worked hard all week and i deserve to have a good time. But its not the good time i want anymore. I have family issues always have my family depends on me for everything.
Congratulations - one weekend sober is a step forward. You’re strong - you’re doing well. A saying that stuck with me is “the price of admission”. Who do you want to be and what you need to do. You can get to the other side, you just need to get over the curve first and it sounds like you’re trying. Maybe change what you define as a “good time” - think about how you feel during and after? Is it good after? Does it bring more benefit or less benefit to your life? We can be so many things to so many people, I can understand this. Don’t lose yourself.
@oceanwaves508 This is a good way to look at our lives. Asking these questions is very helpful.
@friendlyAvocado2948
I understand where you are coming from. That's a very draining and toxic environment.
Ahhhhhh, you bring back memories...:). What's happening is dopamine and the happy bath your brain used to soak in is all fowled. Alcohol numbs you to the half numb pain your in. STOP NOW! right this minute. ( not over reacting) put down the drink and the nose candy for just half an hour and go for a walk, walk a friend's dog, or drive to a nice park to walk in. Just get please don't do this to yourself. If scared strait works? I've been drinking 18 years straight. And spent 4 days hospitalized for seizures this summer. I'll probably not ever be able to stop talking strong sedation, like haldol and phenobarbital, to prevent grandma seizures. I need knee surgery that I don't qualify for because of my health, liver enzymes. You sound like a smart kid. Scared straight is kinda dumb, but I thought I'd try, just put it down for a little bit, it'll be the most uncomfortable at first, go through that part, just a little, and check out the sober side, every so often, no looking down on yourself, just be there and if ya don't like it, well be prepared for the kind of situation I've described to you
@enthusiasticTortoise6681
so I managed to go 2 weekends of no alcohol and nose candy...lol but this isn't a laughing matter. But I only tend to do this only on weekends. So I figured I would try paint by numbers to occupy my brain so I don't want to get back in my routine. However I come to realize alcohol painting relaxes me... so yikez... but on another note the only time I feel the need to include nose candy is when I do drink. If I don't drink I don't do it... sounds so simple right don't drink then you won't have to worry about nose candy. But wrong it's become such a routine that how hard I think about stopping I return back to my routine only to feel so guilty about wanting to stop and then I go back.. I always ask for forgiveness from the lord and I just feel I'm asking for forgiveness over and over.. it makes me feel bad,sad, over powered and like a failure.
@friendlyAvocado2948
ok. your doing good.
your not going to completely stop until there is something more important than partying to give it up for.
simple truth. Back in the day they used to treat alcaholism with cocaine, cause when you've been hammered for years, being kinda jitzed is better. so the drinking stops. Worked kinda in the short time...like the solutions you've got now.
ok, you may not like this, but the way I see it is: You are performing as a weak mortal, your own judging God, and your own temptress of a devil.
God loves us, all the time, its you judging you.
Begging your own forgiveness, Seeking the company of your own devil, because who could possibly deal with all this guilt?
mustering strength to be a better mortal man, when its you who is judging you as better or worse.
Your smart.
Your Bored.
Your self destruction is probably not fun, a little heart breaking, but if you had to tell the truth, your not bored, are ya?
@enthusiasticTortoise6681
thanks for the reply I needed to read that.
@enthusiasticTortoise6681
Hello, I wanted to send you a message one on one if you dont mind to talk about my post and get some more advice.
@enthusiasticTortoise6681
Hello,
Could you message me I would like to speak to you a little more about this. THANKS
@friendlyAvocado2948
Hello Friendly, Im sorry I've been off the site for a while. If you still would like to speak to me? jh
@enthusiasticTortoise6681
also I'm a 36 years old not a kid anymore
@friendlyAvocado2948
this routine has been going on since 2014
And I'm just trying to figure out what to do. I want the best out of life and I don't want to spend anymore days wasted,hungover or staying up to the Crack of dawn...
@friendlyAvocado2948
Again Friendly, I appologize, I have waves of severe depression, and cant even function...for as long as it decides to last.
This has been made worse, by years of drinking, and 'partying'. I dont know enough to say if these bouts of debilitating depression would still exist if not for my life choices.
We are of Similar age, im 38.
I just wish better for you. sending light and love.
I didnt like it, when I used to have to go to these classes, and chicks tell their horror story, in some way looking for meaning making it my responsibility to change, to give their pain meaning. I hope you dont feel like this.
I am in no way looking for meaning for my consequences through you. jh
@enthusiasticTortoise6681
Hi, @enthusiadticTortoise6681
It's been a while since I've been on this site I would still like to talk about this subject with you.