I really want to quit but I struggle when I try

Hi I’m new here, I just wanted some advice. I’m addicted mostly to klonopin, klonopin makes me want to drink and when I do I do coke and it’s a never ending cycle. I have quit for several months but when I do I get so depressed I can barely get out of bed, go out, I overeat, feel terrible about my body and I just basically am unable to to anything in these periods, until I take klonopin again and my anxiety goes down and feel motivated again…. I really want to be a good mother and good partner, I’m afraid of quitting because when I do I just feel like I said. Crippingly depressed, anxious and unmotivated. I just wish I could get some advice because I just feel like I’m stuck in a cycle and feel a lot of shame and hate towards myself even as I am writing this down.