Money always trigger me

Sometimes I fine with being broke cause I don't have to go at war with myself about going out fucking up money I don't have. Then I feel like a piece a shit for days after knowing I could have put better use with the money. I'm tired of hating myself for doing it! I'm addict so it's what expected of me but I know I'm so much more than dumb useless addict. I'm really a beautiful person who wants to be loved. There it is! See how I war with myself. I just want to pick a side and stay on it. I don't won't to be a loser. God help me!!!!