Recovering crack and meth addict as well as alcoholic

@grimrhefer12

Hey man, proud of you for coming this far. Remember that recovery is easiest when you want it, and it sounds like you do. It will get easier, and if you do relapse don't get discouraged and give up. It's okay, a lot of people tend to give up recovering after they relapse so please keep in mind that if you fall down get right back up and keep going on your path to success and true happiness. I can't say I have experience with withdrawing from meth/crack specifically but I know personally that when I am completely sober, I feel so much more genuinely alive rather than just functionally being alive. That feeling when you feel real happiness when you're completely sober is worth any amount of pain.

The best coping skill I can recommend is getting in tune with nature. I recommend reading books that might connect you to the earth and universe in ways you've never considered before. Just going outside on a clear night and looking up at the sky, remembering every one of those stars is light years from one another while only being a finger distance by your perspective, and it reminds you how big the grand scheme of life really is. Internally, you are an incomprehensibly complex biological machine, and that is something that will remind you to appreciate what a miracle it is to be alive. The nature of the earth around us is, in my opinion, the most valuable tool for reminding us what a beautiful world it is we're blessed enough to experience as a living being. Hiking, sightseeing, travelling to experience what the earth has to offer, are great ways to give yourself a sense of purpose and feeling truly alive and meaningful.

Sorry for such a rambly comment but I truly hope this might help provide another perspective that could help you on your journey. You're doing amazing and you've come so far, and it's only human to have stumbling blocks like cravings and dreams. You're so much stronger than those temptations. I know you'll get through this and as time goes on you'll only gain more tools under your belt to help you when cravings get bad again. Have faith in yourself, believe in yourself and constantly remind yourself how far you've come and how strong you've been- and there is so much more energy and strength in you to get you over whatever obstacle you might face in your recovery in the future. Stay blessed <3

Wow thank you so much for your thoughtful comment. I appreciate your heart felt response. When I got out of rehab, I was scared but felt free. Now times are difficult and stressful and lately all I can think about is picking up and using again or going for the bottle. But I know that right now, even though I might want it, I CAN’T. These days, it’s like playing Russian Roulette. Everything is getting laced and I’ve lost too many people recently to overdoses. I just know if I picked up and started using again, eventually I’ll be next to OD. It’s always a gamble with your life when you choose to use. I have trouble seeing the bigger picture a lot of times, and tend to make irrational decisions during stressful or depressing times.

i struggle with suicidal ideations and severe depression, anxiety, BPD, etc. so my emotions are all over the place a lot of times, and that makes me want to use even more.

Your suggestion about getting more in tune with nature is right up my alley. I believe in the universe and the beautiful things but has to offer. I’ve recently been studying Wicca and it focuses on the universe and nature. It’s interesting.

Once it gets nice outside again, I’ll be going for walks and hikes.

anyway, thank you so much for your uplifting comment.

Hey! Congratulations on the 90+ days clean! I did inpatient rehab for crack and heroin in 2016. I only lasted 10 days though (I had never been so far from my family for an extended amount of time and couldn't handle it). But, I've not touched either of those things since then. I was and am still surprised at what I found that worked for me, to keep my mind off of it. Aside from playing volleyball in 9th grade, I've never been very physically active. But the best thing I found was walking/jogging. It was hard for me to do at first..overweight and smoked cigarettes. I started out just walking to the end of the street and back. Then around the block. Then jogging half and walking half. Up to jogging 2 miles a day every day. Simple task for many but it felt like a *** of an accomplishment for me. I was amazed at how much better I felt..during and after then just in general everyday. It helped tremendously with the thoughts, the cravings, and with the depression. I'd go to a different park or trail as often as possible just to keep it from getting boring. Or jog a different block. I've also always been very antisocial and shy. But routine and starting to see some of the same people outside over and over again, they'd speak or I finally had the confidence to speak first. So I agree with the other person about being out in nature. But I had to stay active to keep from focusing on what I "thought" I wanted. You got this!