Relapse

So I relapsed a couple weeks ago and ever since it’s been like a blur. I don’t know why I thought I could handle “just one more time” I’m so embarrassed and ashamed but I just keep getting more. No one knows except for my coworker/friend who confronted me about it and when she did I lied. Actually I promised her that I wasn’t using again. I feel horrible about it. When I’m not using I literally only manage to go to work and come home and sit on the couch. I’m so lazy when I’m not using I feel like. I know it isn’t true but I constantly tell myself that using makes me a better mom, well a better everything. Because as long as I’m high I can keep up with everyone’s demands and I can be happy and social. I just can’t seem to figure how to be those things while I’m sober. My parents are coming to visit this weekend and I’m absolutely terrified. They are a big reason why I’m so messed up due to childhood trauma, them both being narcissistic, and abusive but they don’t think they are. In their eyes they were great parents. My dad has been addicted to something my entire life and my mom is his enabler. My dad always knows when I’m using and then obviously tells my mom. I don’t want them to know that I’m on it again but I feel like if I quit now then I’ll just sleep or be grouchy while they are here and that will upset them too. I’m lost as to what to do at this point. I can’t believe I fell back into the trap again. I was doing so good and now it’s all down the drain. Thanks for letting me get at least some of the weight off my chest.