Discomfort Towards Father
TW: SA (?)
I've been noticing that I've had a deep discomfort with my father. I hyperfocus on my shorts when I'm around him, and I am afraid to bend over in front of him. I've never understood why I feel this towards my father, since my father has never done anything to me, at all. The only "thing" that I can possibly think of was him telling me "to stop bending over" when I was bending over outside, but I'm not sure if that's gross, or just him being protective in case anyone was around and was possibly looking at me. I don't remember any other things that were "weird" about him. The only thing that I can think of that I feel like might've caused this fear is my mother. I don't know much, but I know my mother was hurt sexually by an older man when she was a child, a relative I believe. She's never been to a therapist or tried to get help for this, she's the type to believe she can just "shove it down, and it'll disappear". But it's clear she hasn't recovered from this. She constantly tells me and my sister to be "careful" around men, and that all men are gross. Once, when she was drunk, she even said men couldn't get r**ped, and that "men enjoy it". (I want to say that I don't believe this, I know she's insane). Once, when we were having a fight, I told her that r**pists would hurt anyone, and that it didn't matter what the victim was wearing, but she said that "we shouldn't tempt them". One time, when I was having a fight with her why I shouldn't be allowed to wear my favorite shorts in my house, (since it was only family living with us), she told me that "my father, though he's a good man, he's still a man.", and so I shouldn't wear shorts that are too short around him. That line plays on my mind a lot. These things caused me to feel uncomfortable around my father, though he hasn't done anything to me. I wrote this here to ask, if your mother says *** like this, is it normal to feel afraid of your father due to it? Is this discomfort due to my mom? My father hasn't done anything to me.
@lemontea113 I never had any family or parents. So I'm not to sure what is best to say, but think yes your mum has put this year in you. And the comment your dad said to stop bending over outside was probably an innocent comment, but you already have this year inside you. Being precautions, is fine but being scared is not. You can't live with the belief that all men are evil. Cause honey in my experiences women are just as bad as men. But we have to love, and trust others, we can't live in fear. Good luck sweetie ❤❤gives you a giant tiny hug
Thank you for your reply! 💜 I had a feeling that my mother was the reason. I don't actually believe all men are evil or gross, I only really feel that discomfort towards my father. I think it's because my said that weird stuff directly about him. For example, "you're father's still a man.". I think because she said that gross stuff about him directly, it made me weary of him, even though there's no reason to. Once again, thanks for your reply! 🧡
my mother*
@lemontea113 gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤❤ I hope oneday you will find your true love and never have to fear again ❤
Thank you so much 🩷
Hi, it might be because of your mom's fears and her experience. However, probably a little care will only make her feel more secure. Of course you don't have to live in a fear because of it. ❤️
I've seen people having that kind of unspoken rules at their houses. Of course clothes don't tempt someone. It's about the actions of people. However, it can reassure your mom sometimes that you're safe. You know it's kind of in her mind.
Your safety. If possible, you can slowly talk to her after some time. Of course not by force but calmly, understanding her perspective too❤️
Sending hugs. 🌸