Im sorry

Im sorry Im such a screwed up. I really didn't want to break up with you and now I know its too late. I understand why you wont want to get back since it seems like I'm just playing games. Youre friend behind your back was feeding me lies about you and your actions that triggered my BPD abandonment issues and I couldn't handle the situation properly and chose anger. I said things to the friend who I thought I trusted but was only doing all of that to tell straight to you that day so that we would break up.. I know you already know all of that. Youre disappointed in the way I reacted. I shouldn't have said anything bad about you behind your back no matter the situation. I shouldn't have gotten mad at you before checking how you feel. I see now why you told me that you lost respect for me and now feel like i never respected you. I don't understand why all of this can happen within a few days. And because we've been away for a week doing this long distance and i wont see you for 2 and a half months I'm afraid it'll just end like this. Im sorry I was the one who broke up with you through my emotions. I was just afraid that you might leave. I didn't know how to communicate properly. Im sorry i wasn't there for you when you needed me. Im sorry i wasn't better. until the last moments