Still working to save my marriage
We Have been separated for about 3 weeks almost a month and it’s been the worst month of my life so far. I have been able to control my anger but I have been so depressed I have lost 25lbs from it. I am at the point where I don’t know how she is feeling anymore. I have stopped yelling and getting angry over everything. I have been spending time with the kids. And not being lazy anymore. She keeps saying time will prove it but for me time isn’t an ally of me. I feel she will find someone new and leave me for good. We have been together for 15 years and I she’s put her through *** with my lies and porn addiction. I need to keep going and save this.
@monkeywrench091
My reflections is that most people around us may have some wrong ideas about how anger works. We are not getting angry because it is particularly rewarding or pleasant - because it is just the opposite! But I believe anger gives us some kind of an armour against feeling lonely, sad, confused, frustrated, helpless, worthless...
Now it seems your shields are down, so it sounds quite natural you are confronted with your fears. And if you said you lied to your wife, now you might be more afraid of being lied to - these are the consequences of the mistakes we made in the past.
We are not living in the desert, always being surrounded by other people (and - theoretically - other relationship opportunities). But if your spouse chose to be loyal to you, I believe she remains loyal.
How about just trying to be the best version of yourself, but at the same time being understanding towards yourself and not putting too much pressure on you (to not cause any "reverse effects")?
One step at a time, one day at a time. You'll get there.
